


Drifting Towards You

by blackrose_17



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, But not really demonic but something different, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mention of past Lucifer/Sam, Mention of past Sam/Jess, Sam Winchester's Demonic Powers, off screen character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 13:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2733758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose_17/pseuds/blackrose_17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is a former Jaeger pilot haunted by the death of his partner and he vowed long ago to never step foot in a Jaeger again. However that all changes when Sam Winchester is sent to bring him back into the fold. Sam is hiding a secret of his own and it just might be that the two of them that can turn the tide of battle and admit what they have felt for each other all along. But love is never easy during a battle for their very survival and one of them might have to pay a heavy price to help ensure victory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this year's Sastiel big bang this is my first time writing Sastiel and I had a blast doing this challenge.  
> A very big thanks to my beta RoyalLadyEmma who was amazing as always.  
> Art by wifihunters a link to the art will becoming as soon as I get it.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Pacific Rim

Kaiju (Japanese): Creatures Great

Jaeger (Japanese): Hunters

Two words that forever changed everything we thought we knew about our world.

My name is Sam Winchester and when I was a kid, whenever I felt small and lonely, I remember looking up at the stars and wanting to know if there was alien life out there in the depths of space.

 As it turned out, yes, alien life does exist but apparently I was looking for it in the wrong direction.

As shown by countless programs on the TV we always thought alien life would come from the stars, but to everyone’s surprise it came from deep beneath the sea. A portal between dimensions was opened at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean which allowed aliens to enter our world. Scientists, geologists and oceanographers both professional and amateur alike all agreed that the invaders came through a gap between two tectonic plates, the Pacific Plate which creates the floor of the Pacific Ocean, and the equally large North American Plate, which lies beneath the North American Continent, including Canada, the United States and Mexico. Somehow the aliens were able to open a gateway between their dimension and ours, and because the name the scientists gave it was too long to work into everyday conversation, we all called it the breach.

Something out there had discovered us.

I was only fifteen when the first Kaiju came up from the waters, coming ashore near the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Witnesses described it as something out of a 1950’s sci fi monster movie, except that this was real. I sat on the floor in my living room with my eyes glued to the TV watching along with the rest of the world as tanks, jets and missiles to kill it. Six days and thirty-five miles later, after three cities were destroyed and tens of thousands of people were killed before the Kaiju was finally stopped.

We mourned the victims, built a monument to their memory and declared an annual day of mourning to commemorate the attack. Then we got on with life.

Six months later, after we had all convinced ourselves that the California incursion was a one-off, a second attack occurred in Manila, with the alien rising from the ocean at dawn, swamping the fishing fleet and terrifying the city. That was when we discovered that there was element in the creature’s blood that created a deadly acid; scientists gave it a long, complicated name but we just called this toxic phenomenon ‘Blue Kaiju’.

Then there was a third attack, just two weeks later, this time on the tip of Baja California in the vacation paradise of Cabo San Lucas. The Kaiju climbed out of the wave and onto one of the most populated beaches in Mexico. The town was overflowing with spring break revellers from the States and by the time the attack was over, more than 90% of the US university students in attendance were either dead or dying.

Before the dust had settled in Mexico, there was a fourth attack in the icy fjords of Norway, then a fifth in the South China Sea just off the coast of Vietnam and on the same day a Kaiju rose from the Bering Straits, decimating the coastal populations of Alaska.

That was when we realised the attacks would never stop. This was just the beginning.

 We needed new weapons.

The Kaiju had counted on the humans to be terrified over the fact that aliens really did exist, for them to hide, to give up, and to fail. They never considered our ability to stand, to endure, to fight back with all our might. It never occurred to them that we’d rise to the challenge.

The wave of patriotic unity that swept like wildfire around the globe was unlike anything that had ever happened before; the whole world came together as one, pooling resources and letting old rivalries die for the sake of saving humanity.

In order to fight monsters, it was decided that we would create monsters of our own. We needed a new weapon and so the Jaeger program was born. Despite the very best minds working together, it wasn’t easy to fly such an advanced piece of machinery; it was quickly discovered that a single pilot couldn’t control it alone and that was how the drift system came into being. Two pilots, our minds, our memories connected. Man and machine become one. That was the turning point in the war.

We started winning.

Powered by the brilliance of two human minds working together in perfect unison, Jaegers were soon beating Kaiju everywhere and with each hard-won victory came world-wide fame. The Jaeger pilots became the newest celebrities, the toast of the town and the most sought-after guests at every party given. They were the heroes the next generation of little boys wanted to grow up to become and they were the romantic new princes that little girls dreamed of falling in love with.

The hazards of war were converted into powerful propaganda tools; movies were made retelling the manly exploits of Captain James Harper and his wingman, Lieutenant John Hart. Battle-themed parties were held at every opportunity and everywhere you looked there were children playing with toy Kaiju aliens and Jaegers fighter planes.

Years before, I would never have thought that my own brother would be a worldwide hero, even though that is what he had always been to me, a true hero. I longed to be able to fight side-by-side with my brother and we would have been a formidable pair because we were rare drift-compatible siblings but my mom wouldn't hear of it. She put her foot down, declaring that it was bad enough that my brother was already training to be a Jaeger pilot, and that her husband was a top-ranked commander in the air force. She refused to have all of her boys in battle so as much as it broke my heart, to not go with my brother, I stayed back.

But even though I remained a civilian, that didn't mean that I well acquainted with the military life; my father, mother and brother were all involved deeply in the program. My brother and father were well on their way to becoming one of the best Jaeger teams we had and their Jaeger, the Impala, was truly a work of art; responding to their slightest thought and soaring on the air currents like a mighty eagle.

There was only one bird in the air that could ever beat them, the team of Blade, piloted by Meg and Castiel; their drift compatibility was enhanced by the fact that they were partners in every sense of the word. I admit that I was a little jealous of Meg, I had harbored quite a crush on Castiel ever since I’d first met him. But I was just a teenage kid with a crush; who was I against a smart, sassy, beautiful and brave woman that put her life on the line every time that she stepped out of the base battling to protect us. Yeah, even back then I was a realist.

By the time the fourth attack was over a team of scientists from the UK, Japan and India had dissected and studied numerous specimens and they published their findings in prestigious scientific and medical journals around the world. They were even nominated for a Nobel prize in science and were celebrated as heroes wherever they went. Based on their discoveries, we learned that there are actually different types of Kaiju which were sorted into a series of categories. So far the deadliest ones we have seen fall into category four, although the research all pointed to there being a category five; we’ve been lucky and to date none of them have come through. Every day that my family and those I care about face these monsters I’m thankful that nothing bigger than a four has appeared and that somehow my family and friends have come back safely to me.

Then everything changed.

That was when the dreams started or what I thought were dreams but as it turned out, they were more than that, they were visions of things to come. I didn't want to believe it; I didn't want to be a freak! At first I had hoped they were just my fears of losing my family and friends in battle coming to life in my sleep. But then I dreamed of Meg's death and at first I thought again it was nothing but the same old nightmares I had been plagued with off and on for years. I’d dreamt of Dean, my dad and Castiel's death enough times that I thought it was just my fears for my friend seeping through.

I was wrong, oh how I was wrong.

Blade fell and Meg was killed and nothing was ever the same for me again.

******

"Red alert! Kaiju incoming! Pilots of Blade and Impala report to your Jaegers; your numbers have been drawn. Report at once to Bay 08! We've got a new one, code-name Knifehead." Ash's voice came booming through the loud speaker as the base was roused from its sleep.

Dean Winchester grumbled and grunted as his peaceful sleep was disturbed and bleary-eyed he flung out an arm to turn on the light wincing against the bright light as he reached for the clock. "Seriously it's two am in the god damn morning! Don't these bastards have any respect for those of us who need sleep?" Dean mumbled grumpily to himself as he glanced over at the second bed. He wasn’t at all surprised to see Sam deeply asleep, snoring softly and with a thin trail of drool in the corner of his mouth. Although he hated to wake him up, he could tell by the tangled sheets and furrowed brow that Sam wasn't sleeping as well as he should be, nightmares had been a problem and they were only growing worse. Dean was torn; he wanted to let the poor man sleep a while longer but today just wasn’t the day for being nice.

"Come on, baby brother, it's time to get up, I need your ass in command centre watching my back." Dean tossed his pillow at Sam and then grinned madly as it landed right on target – smack dab on Sam’s face – and woke his brother up. As Sam rubbed the sleep from his eyes Dean barked out a laugh and pointed at his bed head.

“How do you get all that hair to stand straight up in so many different directions?” he chortled. “You look like a demented porcupine!”

"Yeah, laugh all you like, you big jerk; you’d be completely lost without me making sure you don't do something foolish out there," Sam snarked as he tossed the pillow back at his brother.

"Bitch," Dean teased with a smile.

"Jerk," Sam shot back with his own matching smile.

The day was starting out perfectly.

******

Having thrown on their uniforms and laced up their boots the two brothers raced down the hallway finally parting ways when they reached the two-way spilt; Sam headed towards the command centre and his radar console while Dean went to the pilot’s locker room to get suited up. Five minutes later he would be seated in his Jaeger firing up its engines.

"Before careful, Dean, and look after dad," Sam said quietly into the microphone. He always worried about his brother and dad whenever they went into battle, but ever since the dreams started his concerns had been magnified.

"Always, Sammy,” Dean smiled at Sam even though he knew his brother couldn’t see him. “It's going to take something a lot scarier than a Cat 4 Kaiju to get rid of me and I promise I'll bring our old man back in one piece, okay?" Part of Dean knew that the odds were not always in their favour; one day that might be a promise he couldn't keep but until then he would do his very best to come home to Sam and their mom.

******

"Well it’s about time you showed up, you idjit," Bobby Singer grumbled as Dean crashed through the door, stumbled over a mislaid boot and ran to his locker.

"Aww, Bobby, you're all heart, it warms my heart to know you missed me," Dean smirked at the older man as he looked around the locker room. He wasn't surprised to see his dad, Meg and Castiel already there being suited up and getting ready to board their Jaeger.

Bobby shook his head fondly. "Just get your happy arse ready; we don't have all day to wait for you to make yourself look pretty."

Dean gasped dramatically and placed a hand on his heart. "Bobby, I'm hurt! You don't think I'm pretty?"

A hand landed on his back and gave him a small push forward and Dean heard more than saw his dad's chuckle. I “Don't test Bobby too much today, son, he's at his breaking point and he just might shove you head-first into your suit rather than wait for you to get ready on your own," John warned and Dean nodded, taking the hint.

Once Dean was ready the base commander, Michael Milton, came to stand beside Bobby. Michael might be young but there was no denying that he was a great leader and fortunately for his men he actually knew what he was doing. He had been the first man to ever pilot a Jaeger and later he and his brother Lucifer were responsible for test-flying the drift compatibility program. Its effectiveness was proven when Michael and Lucifer scored the first victory against a Kaiju in a Jaeger within fifteen seconds of engaging the enemy. It was a record that hadn't been beaten yet. "Are they ready to drop, Mr. Singer?" Michael asked.

Bobby nodded his head as he and Rufus Tuner got into position to start the drop. "Ready to drop, sir. Jaeger's conn pod is getting ready to drop as well," Bobby warned them as they moved the Jaeger crews into position to wait for their orders.

"My Unicorn and I are ready for the drop," Meg Master commented over the comms. No one was surprised when she used her nickname for Castiel and everyone swore they could feel the heat of Castiel's blush from their pod.

"Big Daddy and King Awesome are ready to go," Dean announced and there was a distinct tone of excitement in his voice.

Bobby rolled his eyes skyward and prayed for strength as he dropped the pod linking the heads of the Jaegers to the bodies into position and he grinned evilly as he heard Dean yelp just a little. "Drop-in confirmed, sir."

Michael nodded his head a tiny smile tugging at his lips. Meg and Dean never failed to amuse him and even if it wasn’t strictly within regulations, he didn't have a problem with their pre-flight banter because he knew that when they went into battle they were completely focused on their job. "Initiate the pilot-to-pilot protocol," he gave the order his people had been waiting for.

"The Impala and Blade are ready and aligned, sir," Bobby told Michael.

"Danger, this is Marshall Michael Milton, ready for Neural Handshake." **"** Starting fifteen seconds,” Bobby began the countdown. “…fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven, ten..." "Ready to step into my head, kid?" John asked his son. Dean snorted playfully. "Please, after you; age before beauty, old man." John just shook his head; he would get Dean back for that remark when they were back on the ground. There was a smile on his face as he closed his eyes and let himself fall into the drift. Drifting, as Dean once told Sam, was like falling into a dream world while you were still wide awake. The drift and the Jaeger tech it was used with were based on DARPA jet fighter neural systems. Each Jaeger required two pilots, mind melded through mutual memories within the body of a giant machine. The deeper the bond the pilots shared, the better they fought. "Neural Handshake initiating," the Impala's AI informed them in her sweet honeyed voice. Dean was responsible for the AI’s accent and vocal abilities, saying that if his baby was going to talk to him then she was going to have one hell of a voice.

******

In the command center it was Sam's job to watch the bio readings and life signs monitors for any signs of pilot distress and to make sure that the Neural Handshake took properly and held strong so that the pilots were perfectly in sync with one another. "Neural Handshake is strong and holding. Right hemispheres calibrating, left hemisphere calibrating. Alright guys, you’re good to go," Sam informed them.

"Thanks, Sammy. She's feeling good today,” Dean reported as he and his dad felt the Impala begin to come alive for them.

“It’s going to be an ugly bastard, isn’t it?” Meg commented just like she always did before they went into battle and she was usually right.

Castiel did not understand why she had to point this out in before every one of their missions but he suspected it might be some sort of good luck charm and every time he asked her about it she just gave him that little smirk that sent his heart racing. He smiled at her and said, “Like all Kaiju it is unpleasing to the eye. Perhaps it will look better once we have finished giving it what I believe Dean would call a make-over.”

“Aww, Cas, you sure no how to sweet talk a girl,” Meg winked at her partner.

“Cas, as proud of you as I am for that remark I really don’t want to hear the two of you flirting, I get enough of that watching my old man flirt with my mom. So please, I’m begging you, reel it in? I would like to keep my lunch down.” Dean’s voice came over the line as he got settled into place inside the Impala, running his hand appreciatively over the cool metal, murmuring, “Hello, old girl, are you glad to see me?”

Meg laughed at Dean. “Do the two of you want to be alone?”

Before Dean could reply to Meg’s snarky comment, Castiel calmly and coolly interrupted saying, “Then I shall ask you to do the same with anything in a skirt. I do not need a front row seat to your flirting with anything that catches your eye,” he reminded Dean.

“Should I be worried about exactly what Dean Winchester is teaching you? I already have my hands full with one Dean; I do not need a second.” The no-nonsense voice of their commander, Ellen Harvelle, came over the line.

In the command center next to the formidable blond woman, Sam and Ellen’s daughter, Jo, were doing their best to smother their laughter at Dean’s huffy ‘Hey!’ that came over his line.

“Come on, Ellen, we both know that you love me and you can _never_ have too many Dean’s, right, Sammy?” Dean's voice came over the line and Sam found himself reluctantly dragged into the conversation.

A long suffering sigh came over the comms as Sam rubbed his forehead and tried to find something diplomatic to say. "I personally think that one Dean is more than enough."

"Hah! Bitch, you love me and you know it," Dean shot back.

"Jerk,” Sam shot back. “Yeah, I do but one Dean is still more than enough for me."

"Boys, as enjoyable as this is we do have a Kaiju to defeat so if we could possibly keep the rest of our comments until after the battle I think that would make everyone feel that much better," Ellen cut in firmly.

"Aww, Ellen, you really do know how to take the fun out of this!" Dean whined.

"Boys, do not make me get your mother involved," Ellen warned and there was nothing in the world that could silence the Winchester's faster than the threat of Mary Winchester.

John Winchester chuckled at the look that graced his oldest son's face; there was no doubt about it Dean was pouting just like he did when he was five.

Knowing exactly what the older man was thinking, Dean shot his dad an indignant look. "I'm not pouting."

John's grin only grew broader. "Trust me, son, you’re pouting and unless you want everyone to see the bare-bottomed baby pictures your momma has of you posted all around the base you will stop with the sass and keep your mind on what’s important and that is winning this battle."

Dean’s mouth snapped shut immediately. He knew that wasn't an empty threat, his mom really wouldn’t hesitate to use his most photos like the ones that showed when he didn't like to wear clothing to embarrass him. Even though he had to admit that he was a pretty good looking kid and now the ladies always seemed to love cooing and awing over how adorable he was, it was a great way to pick up chicks.

John shot his oldest son a warning look; he didn't want or need to hear about his son's sexual exploits and given that they lived on a relatively small base it wasn't hard to quickly figure out who Dean had already slept with and who still wanted to sleep with his oldest. _'As long as you stay away from Jo; I do not want Ellen hunting you down because there’s you would ever survive Ellen's wrath.'_ John shot the warning to his son across the drift bond they shared and then to drive home the point John showed in great detail just what Ellen would do to him if Dean ever took Jo up on her crush on him.

Dean shot his dad an exasperated look. _'Oh come on, dad! Jo's like my little sister but don't tell Sammy that, you know how jealous he gets when he thinks someone might be replacing him as my favorite girl.'_

John could feel the wink along their bond and he shook his head with loving amusement over the exploits of his boys. He knew that Dean meant nothing by calling Sam a girl; it was done with affection and if anyone else tried to call Sam a girl well, John had seen his oldest rip apart anyone who teased or bullied Sam. He couldn't begin to count the number of times that he and Mary had been called in to a parent/teacher conference regarding Dean getting into a fight with one bully or another who picked on his baby brother.

Of course each time John and Mary had promised they would talk to Dean about using his fists instead of his words or telling a teacher that there was a problem, but neither could deny the sense of pride they had felt whenever they saw Dean defend his little brother. Sam turned out to be just as protective over Dean as Dean was of him; it had been a true shock the first time they had been called in to the principal’s office to discover that Sam had been fighting with a smart-mouthed child who had called Dean stupid right in front of Sam. The youngest Winchester had hauled off and punched the brat right in the face for insulting his brother; true, Sam had broken the boy’s nose but he never insulted Dean again.

John and Dean had been very proud even if Mary had scolded them right along with Sam but there was no mistaking the loving pat or the whispered “good job” she’d given Sammy.

Dean was torn between being embarrassed or happy that their drift allowed him to see just how proud his dad was of him and Sam. Of course he was beyond freaking grateful that he was no longer bombarded with scenes of his parents’ physical moments although there was nothing above PG stuff. Through it all he could feel his dad's undying love for his mom and hers for him, and he shared their memories and past experiences. Dean saw and felt his dad falling in love with his mom and it was a wonderful thing to see; it made him long to find a love of his own, someone he could share his life with. Whether he did or not, Dean Winchester he was just glad that he never saw anything a child shouldn’t have to see.

"So Sammy, what do we got?" Dean asked always grateful that Sam had his back at the base. He knew his brother would make sure that they got the information that they needed exactly when they needed it. On a personal note he never hid the fact that he was very grateful that Sam wasn't a pilot and would never see combat.

"We have one Class Three Kaiju heading straight for New York City. It should be easy pickings for the four of you," Sam teased even though something in him screamed that this was wrong, that something wasn't right, that they had the wrong information but he shoved his worries aside. He trusted Ash, they all did; the man was the best at what he did. Ash had helped create one of the best Kaiju tracking systems in the human arsenal, and it was now the one that all Jaeger bases use.

No, if there was than one Kaiju out there the system would see it and give them ample warning. Still Sam couldn't fully shake the dream he’d had last night and of their own will his fingers drifted down to his right side and gently probed the warm flesh there. In his mind he clearly recalled the feeling of a Kaiju's claws tearing into Blade's hull and then gouging their way through Meg's soft body.

 _'No, get a grip, Sam!”_ The younger Winchester scolded himself. _“It was nothing but a horrible nightmare. Meg is safe and sound. You know Cas would never allow anything to happen to her, just like Dean and dad would never allow anything to happen to either one of them. I have to put that nightmare out of my head and focus on what’s important and that’s making sure that they have all the information that they need to come back to us safely,'_ Sam told himself sternly.

"Hey, Sam, are you alright?" Mary could tell something was bothering her youngest and she had noticed the way he was holding his side as if he was in pain. “Are you hurt?”

Sam shook his head and forced a smile to his face. "No, I'm okay, mom; just worried about Dean and the others." Sam prayed that his mother, who had always been able to see right through him, bought his lie.

Mary smiled at her son and gently patted Sam on the shoulder; she felt the same fear every time that John and Dean stepped foot in the Impala. She wasn't at all surprised that the older Winchester men had dubbed their Jaeger after their beloved Impala which was sitting safe and sound in one of the spare cargo holds. The car was kept under regular even daily maintenance by Dean and she knew that her son desperately longed for the day that he could take his baby out on the open road again.

"Impala, Blade, you are clear to be dropped." Ellen's voice broke the moment and Sam fought the sigh of relief that wanted to escape his lips as his mom turned her attention back to the monitors.

"Awesome! Sammy, pay close attention to who gets the most hits cos that's how many pieces of pie Meg and Cas will owe me," Dean instructed his brother.

"Hey, when did we agree to this deal, big boy, and what do we get when we kick your asses?" Meg demanded to know.

"Anything you want, darling." While they couldn't see it they could more than tell that Dean had winked at Meg.

"Careful there, stud, you’re making my Unicorn all growly and you know how Castiel gets when he possessive," Meg drawled back.

Sam felt a pang in his heart at Meg’s comment; it really wasn't doing him any favors. _'Maybe I should ask Jessica Moore from the Jaeger pit crew out on a date; she’s cute and really sweet and Dean is constantly trying to set me up with her.'_

Inside Blade Meg and Castiel braced themselves as they were the first to be dropped into the water with waves coming up and crashing about the silver and blue metal of their Jaeger. Castiel could feel Meg's pride over their Jaeger humming through their bond and he smiled fondly. He could not fully understand the fascination that both Dean and Meg had with their Jaegers, the way the two of them talked it was almost like the machines were alive and had souls of their own.

"Come on, Unicorn, it's time to kick some Winchester ass." Meg’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts and Castiel favored Meg with a soft smile which grew bigger when Meg blew him a kiss in return.

"Hey! I heard that and if anyone is kicking ass today it's going to be us!" Dean shot back cheekily as the Impala landed in the water. To this day he still swears if he listened closely he could hear the distant sounds of people cheering wildly and why shouldn't they. He knew how wonderfully awesome his Impala looked with the rays of the sun shining down on her gleaming, dark blue metal hull. _'Oh yeah, my girl looks amazing!’_ Dean thought just a bit smugly as he and his dad worked as a well-oiled team to move the Jaeger as smoothly as they could through the water. "Alright ugly, come out, come out wherever you are," Dean taunted in a sing-song voice.

Alarms began sounding in the control centre as contact was just as the Kaiju broke through the surface. "Target has been found! It’s a Cat 3 and it's heading your way, Blade, look to your right." Ash’s calm voice came over the line. "It's just the three of you out there so take the bastard down and I'll have enough pie for everyone," Ash promised.

"See, Ash, this is why you are my favorite." Dean smacked his lips appreciatively; he could already taste the man’s homemade pie.

Everyone rolled their eyes. If there was one thing Dean truly loved in this world it was pie and heaven help anyone who dared to become between him and his beloved treat.

"Dean, if you kick this Kaiju's ass I'll make you all the pie you could ever want," Jody Mills promised.

Sam felt himself blushing to from his ears to his toes from the erotic moaning that filled the air; he really, _really_ did not need to know what kind of sex noises his brother made. "Dean," Sam hissed sharply. "We all know how much you love pie but do you really need to make sex noises when you think about it?"

Dean grinned. "And how do you know what my sex noises sound like, Sammy boy?" Dean dearly loved teasing his brother and had since they were small children; he could actually hear Sam's blush come across the comms.

"Dude, you were never shy about scoring with girls and I can't tell how many times I've walked in on you getting in on with a girl!" Sam hissed angrily; he couldn’t believe his brother was bringing this up now and he wondered what Dean was up to.

"Aww Sammy, are you blushing? That's so cute, someone get a photo of that!" Dean demanded.

"Dean," John shot his son a stern look, "do you really think that now is the time to tease your brother?" the eldest Winchester asked with a raised eyebrow.

Before Dean could respond a loud roar pierced the air and the water close by Blade was disturbed as a giant mixture of a dog and a squid shot up out of the water and aimed its hideously sharp claws at Blade's left side. It was only through the duo’s quick thinking and survival instincts that they were able to bring Blade's left arm in time to block the Kaiju’s strike while its right arm landed a punch on the creature’s jaw with enough force to send it flying backwards beneath the waves.

The Impala was already moving into position bracing itself for battle as the father and son team powered up their mechanical fist ready to slam it into the Kaiju the moment it reappeared. Dean grinned as the monster roared in pain as the Impala's fist landed in the centre of its spine causing the Kaiju to stumble back the Impala and Blade stood side-by-side with Blade's twin Chinese sabers in its hands.  

"All right, ugly, let's dance," Meg purred with a wicked smirk on her face as she and Castiel easily moved into a familiar dance, acting as one, both knowing that the Impala would have their back.

There were often times when Sam wished that they could see the battle as it was happening instead of being forced to rely on coloured dots on a screen that represented their guys and the Kaijus. A brief smile flitted across Sam’s face; he could still remember Dean's outraged expression when he was informed that he was one of the purple dots.

 _"Purple, Sammy, really? You couldn't give us a more manly color?" Dean's eyes narrowed with suspicion, sure that_ it _his brother was behind all of this in an attempt to embarrass him._

_Sam just grinned at his brother. "Choice of color was not up to me that you have to take up with Ellen; if you dare…" he challenged._

_His eyes widened comically and then Dean grunted, "Yeah, okay, so maybe purple isn't too bad."_

_Sam fought back his laughter at how easily his brother had caved. Dean Winchester was undoubtedly one of their best pilots but only a fool would dare to mess with Ellen. However, Sam wasn’t a fool either and he would never tell Dean that he truly believed that Ellen had chosen that color just to mess with his brother._

A loud cheer pulled Sam out of his memories and a smile tugged at his lips as he heard Dean's excited shouts to “…bring on the pies!”; it would seem that while he had been lost in his thoughts they had won the battle. Just as he was going to congratulate them an ice cold feeling engulfed him and he forced himself to swallow down the bile that rose from his stomach as he felt the unwavering need for death and destruction fill him to his very soul.

"Dean! There's another one!" Sam shouted in to the comms not caring if he sounded crazy or hysterical; he simply knew beyond a shadow of a doubt his nightmare was about to come true and that that there would be questions later right now but he certainly wasn't about to lose his brother or his dad and he wasn't going to let Castiel lose Meg either. _‘God, please let me be wrong, please!’_ he silently begged.

"Sam, my man, what are you talking about, there is no other Kaiju," Ash asked as he turned to face Sam. "Trust me, if there was another Kaiju out there we would know."

And as if Ash's words were the firing gun at a race alarms started screaming as another blip suddenly appeared on the screen and they could only watch as a second Cat 3 Kaiju rose up out of the water from behind Impala and Blade and slammed its massive body into the two Jaegers sending them both stumbling forward desperately trying to keep their balance.

Sam felt near paralysing fear grip his heart. This was too much like his dream, _way_ too much like his dream and there was nothing he or anyone else could do to stop the attack; they were helpless!

"Fucking hell! Sammy, where the hell did this bastard come from!" Dean demanded to know as he felt his whole body shudder right along with the Impala. "I thought you guys said there was only one!"

"There was, man, I swear! This guy showed up out of nowhere, like a ghost. As much as I hate to admit it my system isn't perfect and she's got her flaws. I don’t know how it happened but this one somehow slipped under the wire." Ash felt horrible, he didn't know how this happened but it had and he would only blame himself if anything happened to any one of the pilots out in the field.

The Impala struggled to its feet, the blow had sent them reeling and they could see that Blade was slowly climbing to its feet as well but it wasn’t ready to defend itself yet and the creature had set its sights on Blade.

For Castiel everything that happened next took place in slow motion and yet at the same time it felt like a single blink of an eye. The Kaiju had used its surprise appearance to strike first; they felt its claws tear into the hull of Blade ripping it wide open. Meg cried out and Castiel gasped as they felt Blade's pain, oh god there was so much pain but it didn't end there. The thing kept clawing in deeper and within seconds the clear blue sky was visible through the jagged hole marring Blade’s sleek body.

With a sinking heart Meg knew what was coming next just as she knew there was no way that the Impala could possibly reach them in time. _'I love you,'_ she mouthed and sent a wave of raw emotion across their bond to Castiel as tears filled her eyes. _'Please do not let this destroy you,'_ she pleaded and then in a flash she was gone having been torn from the safety of Blade like a ragdoll by the Kaiju's hands.

“Meg!”

The horrified, pain-filled scream tore itself free from Castiel’s lips as he shot up in bed the sweat-soaked sheets clinging to his body and his heart pounding loudly in his chest. One hand gripped his side and he could still feel Meg being torn from him her the sheer power of her fear and pain matching his own and then she was gone, her bright soul snuffed out for all of eternity.

Blade had been rendered completely useless by the attack but it had been Impala that ended up destroying the Kaiju when Castiel couldn't. Somehow, in spite of the loss of his beloved Meg and with a dogged determination never before seen in the Jaeger force, Castiel had managed to drag Blade to shore before collapsing. He spent over a month in the base hospital wing a week of which was spent in a drug-induced coma while his body healed from his injuries and then another ten days under close psychiatric observation to see if he was going to be fine after losing his partner while drifting.

Castiel wasn't the first Jaeger pilot to lose a partner in such a horrific fashion and he certainly wouldn't be the last, but everyone had different responses and individual outcomes to the situation. Some lucky souls bounced back relatively quickly with minimal counseling and healing while others never fully recovered from the grief of their partner's death; in the very worst cases, the guilt of surviving was simply too much for them to bear and they took their own life.

Castiel had no idea how he managed to survive knowing that he would never see Meg again but he was absolutely determined that he would never step foot in Blade or any other Jaeger again. He never mentioned this to anyone or discussed what he would do when he was released from care, but on the day he was officially discharged from the hospital he gathered his meagre belongings and walked through the door without saying a single word to anyone and without looking back.

Refusing to admit that he was shaking from the after-effects of his nightmare, Castiel ran his hand through his sweaty hair, making it stand up in all directions. It hadn't been easy to walk away from a job that he’d always enjoyed doing and from everyone he cared about but the pain of losing Meg, of knowing that he could lose someone else at any time was too much for him to bear and so he had vanished into the morning mist. Over the next four years he had often regretted his actions and once in a while he’d thinking about returning to the Jaeger strike force but he just couldn't find the courage necessary to vanquish his fears.

But the Kaiju were relentless in their invasion attempts and he still wanted to do his part in protecting his world and the people that Meg had given her life for, so he took a job as a physical laborer with a civilian company helping to build a massive coastal wall around Hong Kong. Truth be told, Castiel honestly didn't see what they thought a wall could do against the Kaiju but he figured cost and stockholder expectations had something to do with it; even in the face of such monsters and the potential loss of human life there were still those who valued money above all else.


	2. Chapter 2

Lucifer's first thought when he was called into a meeting with the World Representatives was that he was in a room full of idiots and the American representative was proving him right with every word he spoke. With a heavy sense of foreboding he sat down and focused on the wall of view screens in front of him, each showing a different member of the board.

"The Kaiju are learning our defenses. They're adapting, evolving. We're losing Jaegers faster than we can build them. Lima. Seattle. Vladivostok. Category 4 Kaiju's are now coming through the breach on a nearly daily basis. I think that you can see, Marshall, this is no longer a sound strategy. The frequency of the attacks has increased. I’m telling you that the Jaegers are not the most viable line of defense anymore," the American was saying.

It was taking all of Michael's willpower not to say what was hanging off the tip of his tongue, to tell them exactly what he thought about these men and women seated in their comfortable chairs and pretending to be experts on the topic of war. After all they weren't the ones putting their people at risk, they were just looking for the cheapest way to defend lives and as every sensible person in the world knew, cheaper didn't always mean better. "I am well aware of that fact, sir. Those are my rangers putting their lives on the line every single day, my pilots that die every time a Jaeger falls, which is why I'm asking you for one last chance..."

It was the British UN representative who rudely cut him off, "Excuse me, Marshall. Excuse me!" and she rapped sharply on the table in front of her in a useless attempt to gain the floor.

Not that the woman’s efforts did much good; Michael had gotten used to blocking out their mindless chatter. "Let us mount one final score with everything that we've got in our arsenal." He was begging because he knew in his heart that a six hundred-foot-tall concrete wall was not going to offer much defence against the Kaiju and they were all fools for believing so.

But the British UN representative wasn't going to make it that easy for Michael to just ignore her. "Excuse me! The Jaeger program is dead, Marshall, and it’s high time you recognise that fact. On the other hand the coastal wall program is a promising option and one which has the full support of this board."

The American UN Representative nodded his head in agreement with the British woman. "The world appreciates all that you and your men and women have done, Marshall, but it's over. Please accept defeat gracefully and in return we will authorize you to take all remaining Jaegers to the last battle station in Hong Kong. We're prepared to fund you for the next eight months while the coastal wall is being completed. After that, you will receive no further support from us or anyone else that I can think of."

It was of very little comfort to see that even the Canadian UN Representative looked a little sad as he informed Michael, "You have our answer, Marshall."

With that the bank of TV monitors goes black signaling an abrupt and unsatisfactory end of to the meeting.

"Sooooo… is that's it? It's over? Are we really just going to take their word for it?" Gabriel asked glancing at Michael in disbelief.

"Suits and ties and flashing smiles, that's all they are, Michael." Lucifer shook his head, eyes drilling holes into the black screens. “Just useless mouthpieces for the rich and powerful and with luck a Kaiju will rip their heads off shit down their throats.” It was rare that Michael and Lucifer saw eye-to-eye on anything but in this instance they did. Catching one another’s gaze, Michael said, "We don't need them."

"Damn right we don't need them! A wall?! Our pilots have been giving their lives since day of and now the world council wants to cut funding and support the building of an effing wall. What is concrete and steel supposed to do against a Kaiju that our Jaegers can't?" Lucifer Milton ranted angrily as he stalked about the commander's office like a caged animal.

Michael watched his brother with worry; he could understand his brother's rage. He had been responsible for sending pilots into battle ever since he’d been given command of the program; more than anyone else he knew that the Jaegers were their very best hope against the Kaiju. "You heard what they said, Lucifer; because it's cheaper to make a useless wall than it is to build a new Jaeger or even to rebuild or fix our existing Jaegers." Michael could feel his own disgust at his words; apparently there was still a price range on the value of human life.

“They are absolute idiots!” Lucifer's face twisted up with distaste reflecting exactly how he felt about the fools in charge. "They’re putting their faith in a system that is sure to fail.”

"Which is precisely why big brother here is going to gather up all the Jaegers we can get our hands on and all pilots still capable of flying… which reminds me,” Gabriel spoke up from his spot in the corner, “just who is going to pilot Blade?" He had been watching Lucifer's rant while nibbling calmly from a bag of popcorn, something Michael was quite sure that he didn't have when he entered the room.

Michael ran a hand through his hair; four years later Blade was still a sensitive subject. It hadn't been easy for any of them to watch Castiel’s difficult recovery from his injuries and worse, the loss of his partner and lover, Meg. Using every excuse he could think of no matter how flimsy, Michael had deliberately avoided the hanger bay for as long as he could while Blade was being fixed; seeing the Jaeger brought back too many painful memories. Then came the unthinkable and unexpected day when the government had demanded that they send Blade to the scrap heap, that far too much money was being spent on fixing up a Jaeger that didn't even have either of its pilots.

"There is one who might have a chance of convincing Castiel to return to us,” Michael cast a wary glance at his brother; he knew that Sam was a bit of a sensitive subject when it came to Lucifer. “And that’s Sam Winchester."

Lucifer had been in love with Sam from the moment he’d laid eyes on the young man but he could see that Sam only had eyes for Castiel. Still he had taken his chance on Sam after the young man had finished mourning Jessica's death and honestly, Sam had given his all to make the relationship work. But unfortunately in the end it was clear to everyone that Sam was still hopelessly in love with Castiel and not even Lucifer’s best efforts was going to change that.

"I know that sending Sam is our best chance at getting Castiel to return.” With a heavy sigh Lucifer stopped his pacing and leaned against the wall. “I don’t doubt that Castiel loved Meg but he also cared deeply for Sam and regretted leaving him behind." It had hurt and stung for a while and he wasn't going to lie that he still wished that Sam could have learned to love him like he had loved the young man.

Gabriel finished chewing thoughtfully on his popcorn; he didn't think that things were going to be quite as simple as Michael thought. Castiel had his stubborn side and it wasn't going to be easy to convince him to come back. _'But something tells me that Sam might just be our best bet and that Castiel is going to need him.'_ Gabriel had been watching Sam for a while now, ever since he’d warned the Jaeger pilots about the second and unseen Kaiju during the attack that killed Meg.

Feeling guilty for not detecting the danger sooner, the young man had become withdrawn and sickly-looking and more than once someone had reported hearing Sam screaming during the night, something which the young man played off as nightmares. Then Jessica happened and Sam had done a complete turn-around and seemed happy for the first time since Castiel left but that didn't last long. Like Meg and so many before her Jessica had been killed in a Kaiju attack, one that might have claimed Sam’s life as well if the Impala hadn't arrived when it did. Between his Jaeger and Balthazar's Kali they were able to fight and destroy the Kaiju that had cornered a badly shaken Sam and was just seconds away from crushing him in its massive claws.

Gabriel will never forget the words that Balthazar had spoken at that moment " _It almost looks like that thing is hunting Sam!"_ Those nine words had gotten Gabriel thinking and wondering and watching Sam very closely which was hard to do considering that after that one incident Dean barely let his brother out of his sight. To make matters even more difficult, Dean had expressly forbidden Sam from leaving the base again unless he was accompanied by both him and an armed escort. But nothing Dean did could prevent Gabriel from noticing that Sam was always plagued by nightmares right before a major attack.

There had been a few close calls during the war when a marauding Kaiju didn't head for land to destroy its targets but towards the base instead. He hadn't said anything to his brothers because he honestly did not know what was happening to Sam and if he was wrong it he could ruin a young man's life. "Just one thing, how are you going to get overly protective big brother Dean to let Sam leave the base without tying himself to his baby brother?" Gabriel was really quite curious as to how Michael was going to pull that miracle off.

Michael's words surprised both Gabriel and Lucifer, leaving them gaping open-mouthed, "Whose idea do you think this was in the first place?"

"Well I wasn't expecting that," Gabriel admitted.

******

"All right, little brother, I need you to come with me."

That was all the warning Sam Winchester got before he was unceremoniously hauled to his feet by Dean.

Without his brother saying another word Sam knew that Dean was up to something given the way he’d just dragged him out of the mess hall and that that something had to be pretty damn important. Despite asking repeatedly where they were going his brother remained stubbornly quiet and they both knew full well that Sam could have broken himself free at any time but he didn’t because Dean clearly had something very important to show him.

It didn’t take long for the men to reach their destination and as Dean pulled aside the door and escorted his brother inside the enormous hangar Sam could hardly believe what he was seeing. "I thought Blade was scrapped," he whispered in awe as he reached out to stroke the leg of Blade; it had been so long since he’d felt that particular metal of this Jaguar and it felt like coming home.

Dean shook his head. "No way, Sammy, not Blade. We fixed her up and now she's as good as new; she just needs someone to drive her."

Sam knew that look in his brother's eyes and quickly threw his hands in the air. "Oh no way, not gonna happen! What makes you think that I’d have any better luck finding Castiel than you did?" he demanded to know.

Dean smiled gently and knowingly at his brother. "Because I'm not in love with him. I know you tried to move on with Jess just like I know you were starting to love her when she was killed. And I owe you an apology…”

Sam’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, “Why?”

His brother shrugged self-consciously. “I will admit that I was against you and Lucifer as a couple but not because I didn't like the guy, although that was part of the reason but it was mostly because I was afraid that you were opening yourself up for another broken heart. You shoved your own feelings for him way down deep when Meg and Cas fell for one another and I know that playing the role of supporting friend was like having your still beating heart ripped right out of your chest.”

A look of deep pain crossed Sam’s face, making Dean regret his words for a moment but then he ploughed on, he had no choice; the outcome of this conversation was too important. “All right look, I know that we’re putting a lot of pressure on you and I’m sorry but you didn't see the way that Castiel would look at you when he thought no one was looking.”

“Really?” Sam was both taken aback and hopeful. _‘Don’t get your hopes up, big guy. That was a long time ago.’_

“Yeah, it was like you were something precious and wonderful that needed to be protected and cherished and he wanted to be the one who did that for you."

Sam swallowed hard, feeling a frisson of something indefinable shoot through his chest. It had been five years since Meg's tragic and untimely death and Castiel’s unexpected departure from their fold and there wasn't a day that passed that Sam didn't think about Castiel or Meg. He missed their friendship, he missed hearing Meg banter with Dean and he missed her smile and the way she laughed; he missed talking to Castiel about anything or discussing the books they had both read or wanted to.

He just plain missed everything about them and the friendship they had shared for so long; in order to preserve that friendly relationship he had resigned himself to loving Castiel from afar and now Dean was telling him that his feelings might not be that one-sided. "What should I do now?"

Dean happily clapped Sam on the shoulder barely concealing his excitement. "Go after your man and bring him home where he belongs."

******

Sitka, Alaska was the last place that Castiel ever thought that he would end up living let alone laboring as a construction worker helping to build the coastal wall from Alaska to California. As soon as the wall in Japan had been finished all construction efforts had been focused on the Pacific Northwest. As Castiel wiped the sweat from his brow a sharp whistle pierced the air and all eyes turned to the construction foreman. "Ration card time! Come on, come on! Let's go!" he called to his men and then he stood there tapping his foot impatiently as the workers laid down their tools and gathered to hear the news he had for them. "Now, I've got good news and I've bad news, fellas. Which one do you wanna hear first?" he asked looking out at his men. Only one soul seemed brave enough to speak up. "Bad news!" A sigh escaped the man's lips; he did hate to deliver this kind of news. "Okay bad news it is then; three guys died yesterday working on top of the wall." There was a sympathetic murmur that rippled through the crowd until another spoke up, "What's the good news?"

The man grinned. "The good news is I’ve got three new job openings, top of the wall. Okay, who wants to work? Who wants to eat? Come on!"

******

Castiel didn't even think twice before he stepped to the head of the line and took the new job, it would seem that he still had his love of heights and absolutely no fear of climbing the steel with very little protection. He had just finished his shift for the day and was in the locker room stowing his gear in preparation for leaving and heading home when the television that some of the workers were gathered around caught his attention. It was showing a breaking news bulletin about the latest enemy attack in Sydney. "...yet another deadly attack took place last night in Australia when an enormous category 4 Kaiju surfaced in Sydney Harbour under cover of darkness. It broke through the coastal wall in less than an hour and demolished the Opera House, which was packed with patrons attending opening night of the Broadway musical ‘Kinky Boots’. Loss of life was estimated at nearly 99%, with fewer than one hundred of the more than fifty-seven hundred attendees left alive when the Kaiju moved inland.

“We’re still waiting for a final body count, but the number is expected to top eighteen thousand dead between the actual attack and the ensuing destruction caused by fire and collapsing buildings. An official investigation has begun into the construction and efficacy of the Wall of Life which was its builders guaranteed to be impenetrable by even a cat 5 Kaiju, which is the largest alien attack monster known to exist.”

"If the Kaiju can break through so easily then why the hell are we even building this thing?" one worker asked. "That thing, it went through the wall like it was nothing," another commented morosely.

Castiel didn't have the heart to tell them that their so-called leaders wanted protection but at the cheapest possible cost. His eyes were glued to the TV and to the two Jaeger pilots being shown on the screen. The surgically endowed TV reporter had a knowing smirk on her lips as she flipped her dyed blond hair over her shoulder. "Ironically, it was the recently decommissioned Jaeger, Striker Eureka, piloted by the drift team of Ruby and Abaddon that finally took the beast down." There was a challenging gleam in her eye as she looked directly into the camera and said, “It would appear that mothballing the Jaeger program has led to a catastrophic loss of life; there was a time when our leaders placed a much higher value on human life. Now it seems that a dollar saved is a life lost.” She turned to her left and the camera panned with her. “Let’s meet the two exemplary and intrepid pilots who put an end to Sydney’s nightmare.”

On the screen the two pilots of the Striker Eureka appeared; Castiel had never had the pleasure of meeting them but he’d heard about their brave exploits for quite some time. Ruby seemed to be right at home in front of the cameras and why shouldn't she; the woman looked like a runway model with her long blond hair and bright white killer smile. “Look, they decommissioned the Jaeger program because of mediocre pilots. It's that simple. We lost our best and brightest some time ago and it’s been very difficult to replace them. By the way, that was Striker Eureka's tenth kill to date. It's a new record," she boasted while her co-pilot nodded proudly. The reporter couldn't help but ask, “Given your success today are you still going to Hong Kong, even at a time like this?"

Ruby made a rather distasteful face which seemed to make her personal opinion on the matter quite clear despite her politically correct words. “Well, orders are orders. What else am I supposed to do?"

Unable to stand listening anymore, Castiel turned on his heel walked out of the building and towards the construction site’s main gate. Just as he was about to leave Castiel saw a helicopter coming in for a landing and his curiosity aroused, he stopped to see who was onboard. His breath caught in his throat as one of the last people Castiel ever expected to see again, Sam Winchester, stepped out of the chopper and looked around. The moment he laid eyes on Castiel a smile that could outshine the sun on his brightest day appeared Sam's face, making Castiel's heart skip a beat like it hadn't done in years.

“Well Sam Winchester, you’re a sight for sore eyes! I must say, you’ve certainly grown up well,” Castiel greeted cheerfully as he quickly moved towards Sam.

"Cas, you're looking well." Sam sounded so happy to see him that Castiel kicked himself three ways from Sunday for not staying in touch with the others; he felt badly that he had missed out on so much of his friends’ lives.

"Thank you, Sam, as do you. I heard about the bizarre Kaiju attack on you and I can’t tell you how glad I am to see you alive and well. I also know that since then Dean no longer allows you to go anywhere alone so…” and there was a wicked gleam in his eye, “…who else is in there with you?" It was no secret of how protective Dean had become of his younger sibling.

"That would be me, little brother."

Castiel was unable to completely swallow his surprise as Michael stepped out from behind Sam; it had been five years since he had last seen his brother. With his eyes as wide as saucers, he said, "Michael, it's been a long time."

Michael gazed fondly at his brother. "Five years, four months to be precise. Can we have a word?" He motioned for Castiel to follow him.

There was no way Castiel could refuse his brother’s request and trying to resist the sweet puppy-dog eyes that Sam was sending his way was useless. Figuring that at this time of night the construction site would be empty, he pointed toward the small building some thirty feet away. "Step into my office." Castiel’s heart pained him a little as he realised he had just said something that once upon a time, Meg would have said the same thing.

Once inside and away from any curious eyes, Michael glanced around, not looking all that impressed by his surroundings while Sam stood there unsure of what to say. Michael finally focussed on his brother; “It took me a while to find you, Cas. You’ve been freezing your butt off all over Alaska: Anchorage, Sheldon Point, Nome..."

"Yeah, well, my position travels with the wall, chasing shifts to make a living.” Castiel shrugged his shoulders wondering if he should feel badly about all the work he’d made his brother do to find him, but then decided he couldn't; he hadn’t asked to be found. “What do you want?" He winced a little as he heard the sharp undertone to his words.

Refusing to rise to the bait, Michael merely said, "I wasn't the only man who looked, you know," he informed his brother making it a point to look directly at Sam. His brother’s face turned the slightest bit red and he knew he’d said exactly the right thing.

Castiel felt something warm come over him, something that he thought had died that horrible day along with Meg and his heart flutter at the knowledge that Sam had been looking for him. Could he really have a second chance at love? Was there room in his heart for someone else?

"I've spent the last six months searching the globe for every Jaeger that I could get my hands on and then activating any could be made battle-worthy. There's an old Jaeger, a Mark 3, you may know it? It needs a pilot," Michael carried on, pushing the advantage he’d achieved with his brother’s emotional response to old memories.

That last statement had Castiel snorting with derision. "I'm guessing I wasn't your first choice for the job."

Michael shook his head wondering how his brother had changed so much in such a short time. "You’re wrong, you _were_ my first choice. All the other Mark 3 pilots, aside from Dean and John, who has retired, are dead."

Castiel was happy to know that Sam hadn't lost either his brother or his dad but he wasn’t going to let Michael know that. Instead he shook his head stubbornly. "Look, I can't have anyone else in my head again. I'm done. I was still connected to Meg when she died and I can't go through that again, I'm sorry. You don’t know what it was like, feeling the woman I love die and being unable to do anything about it." Castiel turned to walk away not willing to admit that if it was Sam standing there asking him to come back he would more than likely say yes and he cursed himself for being so weak.

No matter how much he wished he could spare his brother the pain of going back into battle in his heart Michael knew he couldn't let his brother walk away that easily. "Haven't you heard, Castiel?"

In spite of his little voice telling him to keep walking, Castiel stopped and turned to face Michael; he was actually a bit curious as to what his brother had to say. “Heard what exactly, Michael?”

"The world is coming to an end, Cas, so where would you rather die, here on the ground as a civilian or out there being a hero in a Jaeger?! You’ve been out there; do you really think that some stupid wall will be able to keep them out? The walls that you worked so hard to build are falling all around the world, cement and metal only hold up for an hour at best against them.”

“You think I don’t know this? I just saw the news feed from Sydney! And in case you forgot, I know better than most people how dangerous and deadly a Kaiju can be.” There was true pain in Castiel's voice as he reminded his brother of everything he had lost.

Unseen by Castiel, Sam walked up behind him, gently touched his shoulder and when the man turned around he said, "Please, Castiel, we need you, say you'll come home with us," Sam asked softly his eyes looked into Castiel’s.

Castiel always thought that Sam's eyes were like beautiful golden sunflowers and in the five years that he had been away from Sam he thought that they’d only gotten more amazing. Try as he might, he found that he just could not say no when Sam was giving him the puppy dog eyes. With a deep sigh, Castiel nodded. "You brought him here just so he could use those damn puppy dog eyes on me, didn’t you,” he snarked. “I swear they are still our best weapon so why didn't you unleash them on the governments?" Castiel asked his brother.

"How do you think that I got my hands on the remains of the Jaeger fleet in the first place?” Michael favoured his brother with a soft smile. “It seems no one can say no to Sam Winchester." He didn’t need to add, ‘not even you,’ because that much was obvious from the way Castiel was looking at Sam.

"It is impossible to deny Sam anything." The words were spoken in a low, throaty voice that in a bedroom setting would have been the immediate precursor to an intensely lustful and pleasurable night.

Sam found himself blushing and not just from what was being said. He was sure that his heart was going to pound right out of his chest from the way that Castiel was looking at him when he said that. For the first time he truly hoped that Dean had been right when he’d said Castiel might feel the same about him.


	3. Chapter 3

Despite the excitement he felt as he peered out of the windows at the ground below the one downside Sam found to flying in a helicopter was that it was next to impossible to have a conversation with your crush and not be overheard by every single person wearing a headset. He wanted so badly to fill Castiel on everything he’d missed out on over the past five years but instead he held back; he didn't want to put unnecessary pressure on the man or overwhelm him his first day back.

Once they arrived in Hong Kong they continued on till they were over the eastern perimeter of Ha Long Bay in the South China Sea, roughly forty minutes away from Hong Kong by air. Just as he was wondering why on earth they were so far from their target, Castiel glanced down out of the window and to his immense surprise found that they were descending into the centre of an enormous rock formation, just one of thousands in the area. The chopper set down gently on a platform in the middle of the rock island.

Castiel didn’t get much of a chance to marvel at his new surroundings as his brother was all business. "You'll get a tour of the facility, maybe meet of our newest arrivals and then Mr. Winchester will show you to your Jaeger. Welcome to the Shatterdome," Michael informed them as the elevator’s large metal door slid open andthey stepped out into a vast underground command complex. Castiel was amazed to see that more than half of the space was dedicated to a large workshop where Jaeger's were being built and repaired. He turned to talk to Michael and over the man’s shoulder he saw a large digital clock and raised his eyebrow at his brother.  
 **  
**Sam knew immediately what Castiel wanted to know so he explained, "War clock. We re-set it after every Kaiju attack, it helps keep everyone focused. It also tells us that the frequency of attacks is accelerating."

That was certainly something new. Castiel was suitably impressed and troubled at the same time. "How long until the next re-set?"

Sam made what Castiel thought was an adorably serious face as he thought about it. Finally he responded, "A week, if we're lucky. Our experts believe there will be a Kaiju attack even before that. This complex used to launch thirty Jaegers in five days, just like this one you see in the maintenance bay. Now we only have six Jaegers left." Sam felt a pang of true sadness for the pilots they had lost over the course of the war and wondered for the thousandth time if he shouldn't have said something sooner about his nightmares.

At some point during the past five years he’d come to believe that what he had fought every night in his sleep weren’t bad dreams but were in reality portents of the future. Hadn't he foreseen Meg’s dream just hours before it came to pass exactly as he’d dreamt? At one time Sam had hoped that after watching his friend die that his dreams had peaked and would begin to fade but instead they had only gotten so much worse. Now he was starting to fear that he was somehow psychically connected to the Kaiju since it was them and only them that he was seeing and hearing in the dreams.

Seeing the pain in Sam’s eyes Castiel was filled with regret as he whispered, "I didn't know it was this bad."

Michael sighed deeply, "Unfortunately it _is_ that bad." He pointed to one of the Jaegers they were walking past, "That is Crimson Typhoon, out of China; one of the greatest. Assembled in Changzhou with full titanium core alloys, fifty diesel engines per muscle strand. An impressively precise and extremely deadly fighter.” There was a note of pure awe in his voice as he described the Jaeger. “He's piloted by the team of Victor Henrisksen, Naomi and Anna. They have successfully defended the Hong Kong port seven times now. They used the Thundercloud formation."   
  
"Oh, yeah. Triple-arm technique." Castiel nodded with approval; he had heard of it but never seen it done before.

"Very effective," Sam eagerly voiced his agreement and Castiel fought the jealousy rising in his chest when he heard the admiration in Sam's voice.

Michael fought to keep his face straight as he saw the flash of pure green jealousy in his younger brother's eyes. "That tank, the last of the T90s, Cherno Alpha. First generation Mark 1, the heaviest, oldest Jaeger in the circus. But make no mistake, Castiel, it's a brutal war machine. Those two are Charlie – short for Charlene but don’t ever call her that or she’ll punch your lights out – and Dorothy."   
  
"Yeah, I've heard of them. Perimeter patrols, Siberian wall. They are good."

Michael smiled. "Their watch has successfully kept out the Kaiju for six years. Six years." The two women looked up from their task just long enough to spare their commander a nod as the men walked past their massive Jaeger.   
**  
**Michael smiled as a blond and a redhead approached them. "Castiel, this is Ruby and Abaddon, pilots of the Striker Eureka, the fastest Jaeger in the world. First and last of the Mark 5's and truly a wonder to behold. Australia decommissioned it roughly fifteen hours before the disastrous Sydney attacks."

Ruby winked at Sam. "For you, Sam, I would go as slow and as fast as he needed me to," she purred seductively as she licked her lips.

Right then and there Castiel decided that he did not like Ruby one little bit and the way that she was undressing Sam with her eyes made him want to rip her still beating heart from her chest and stomp on it. Every primal instinct he possessed was telling to defend his mate but before he could do more than form the thought he was both pleased and surprised when Sam unobtrusively but quickly twisted his body to hide behind him.

"It was lucky we were still around," Abaddon added, trying not to successfully to not roll her eyes at her girlfriend's over-the-top flirting with Sam. She had to admit that the younger Winchester boy was nice to look at but she much preferred his older brother.

"Yep, now it's running point for us," Michael agreed proudly.   
  
That had Castiel just a little confused. "Wait, running point on what? You haven't told me what we're doing here yet." He looked at Michael suspiciously. “What have you gotten me into?”

Abaddon and Ruby shared a wary look and began to slowly and quietly back away. They _really_ did not want to concern themselves with someone else’s quarrel; they’d discovered that getting involved in other people’s family issues could be a truly disastrous thing to do. Before she went however, Ruby made sure to pucker her lips suggestively and blow a kiss Sam's way followed by a cheeky wink at Castiel. When she turned away she wore a big grin having rather enjoyed the way the man’s eyes had narrowed angrily at her.

"You're playing with fire!" Abaddon hissed at her as they walked away.

"Oh and it's so much fun to do!" Ruby whispered back as she swallowed her laughter.  
  
With a heavy sigh Michael realised the time had come for honesty and so he looked at his brother head-on; there was no longer any reason to keep the truth from him. "We're going for the breach, Castiel,” he announced solemnly. “We're gonna Sheppard a total of two thousand 400-pound thermonuclear warheads onto Striker's back, effectively detonating an equivalent of 1.2 million tons of TNT.”

“And…” Castiel prompted; he knew there had to be more to the story or Michael wouldn’t have gone to so much effort to get him there.

“And you and the other Jaegers will be running defense for him."

That bombshell bit of news had Castiel blinking in disbelief. "I thought we were the resistance!” he exclaimed. “Where do you get something like that up here?"

"We’ve got Crowley, he can get us anything and it's just our luck that he seems to have taken quite a liking to Bobby, much as it annoys Bobby," Sam informed Castiel.

Crowley and Bobby? Now that was one couple that Castiel had a hard time wrapping his head around.

"Mr. Winchester, I'm sure that you can finish giving Castiel his tour, I'm sure that there is still much the two of you need to talk about." Michael leveled a knowing look at the two men.

Sam blushed but nodded his head. "It won't be a problem for me sir."

Castiel faced Sam. "Could you give me a moment with my brother? I’ll be quick, I promise."

"Sure, take all the time you need,” Sam nodded and smiled warmly at Castiel, “although if you need a while I can go find Dean and give you room to talk in private?"

For some reason he couldn’t quite understand Castiel didn't want Dean to know that he was back yet; he knew that once Dean saw him he would want to catch up and while Castiel enjoyed his friendship with Dean he wasn't ready to share his alone time with Sam just yet. "No, don’t go; I just need to ask him a quick question and then you can…” The enormity of what he was about to say struck him like a thunderclap.  “…take me to see B... Blade." Castiel choked a little as he realised that he would no longer be piloting Blade with his beloved Meg but someone new.

As if sensing his thoughts Sam reached out and squeezed Castiel's hand. "I'll be right over there, just come find me when you're done," Sam promised with a warm smile.

Michael and Castiel waited until Sam had left them alone. "I presume you have a question for me, Castiel that you don’t want young Samuel to overhear?"

Castiel nodded his head. "Sir, we've hit the breach before, it doesn't work, _nothing_ goes through. So what's suddenly changed?"

Michael just gave Castiel a knowing look. "I've got a plan. I need you ready, that's all."

Castiel could only watch and wonder as his brother turned on his heel and walked away leaving him with more questions than answers. It pissed him off to be left in the dark but he knew that Michael would not give them any more information before he was ready to.

******

Together Sam and Castiel walked down the hall towards the Jaeger area side-by-side and close enough that their hands brushed up against one another and more than a few times it was done accidentally on purpose.   
  
The silence was comfortable but Castiel hadn't heard Sam's voice in five years and wanted to hear nothing else now. “How is everyone else? Michael said that your father had retired.”

Sam smiled. "Yeah, that was a real shock to us all, especially my mom! Dean and I had thought that he was going to stay a pilot till the end but after what happened to Meg and so many others my dad couldn’t stand to see the fear in mom's eyes every time he headed out. She was so afraid that one day he wouldn't come back to us but to her credit she never once asked him to quit; I think she knew he didn't want to retire until he’d found someone who could take his place and watch Dean's back.”

“That’s pretty cool,” Castiel grinned approvingly. “I always did like your mom.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sam grinned back. “Anyway, about three years ago a new pilot arrived from London and then dad got injured on a mission… Oh not badly, he fully recovered,” he hastened to say when he saw the deep frown that marred Castiel’s face. “But that was the combination of events that prompted dad to retire which meant that Dean needed a new partner. He and Benny clicked right from the start and ended up having a higher drift rate than Dean and my dad did. Of course it might have helped a lot that Dean ended up in a serious relationship with Benny.”

“What?!” That piece of news had Castiel blinking with wide-eyed surprise. “And how did Jo handle that news, cos if I remember correctly she had quite the crush on him." Castiel was finding it a little hard to wrap his head around the fact that Dean Winchester, lover of all things about the female form, was actually in a relationship with another man.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "It was hard at first and Jo was pretty heartbroken but Ash has been a real source of comfort for her." Sam smiled at Castiel. "It was a real surprise to us as well when Dean ended up with Benny but from the moment they met it was like they’d known one another their entire lives. I don’t know if anyone else noticed it but I could see that they were heading down that path right from the start."

"I'm happy for Dean; it is about time that he found some happiness. And what about you, Sam, do you have anyone special in your life?" Castiel’s heart clenched in dread as he waited to hear the answer.

Sam shook his head. "No, there's no one. I started dating Jessica Moore a few years ago. I don’t know if you remember her; she was a blond that worked here?” Castiel nodded. “We were out in the city picking up supplies when a Kaiju attacked; I made it but she didn't." Sam found himself choking up a little as he remembered Jessica's death.

Castiel placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. "I am very sorry to hear that Sam, I didn't know Jessica well but I remember that she was a sweet girl. I'm sure you two made a very cute couple and I am sorry for your loss." Castiel would never have wanted Sam to experience the same pain he had and he wanted to reach out and hug the man but he wasn’t sure how that gesture would be received, so he did nothing.

Sam nodded tears in his eyes. "Thank you. I cared about her deeply and while it wasn't love yet I think with time it could have been. Umm… there is something else you should probably know; I dated Lucifer for a short time," Sam admitted in a soft voice.

That wasn’t something Castiel had ever expected to hear and for just a moment his mouth gaped open in shock while a powerful shot of jealousy stabbed his heart. He even felt a little bit of betrayal at the idea that his brother had had a chance with Sam; he’d always known that his brother had strong feelings for Sam for a while but he’d never expected anything to come of them. "I will admit that I’m rather surprised by that.” He looked flummoxed for a minute as though trying to figure out what to say next. Finally he said, “if you don't mind me asking, why it didn't work out?"

Slightly self-conscious Sam shrugged his shoulders. "I liked Lucifer, really I did, but it just didn't feel right; he just wasn’t y…” A brilliant blush coloured Sam’s cheeks when he realised what he’d almost said and he cleared his throat and rushed on, “I felt like I was leading him on so I ended it before it got too serious and Lucifer really got hurt."

Castiel wouldn't say it out loud but he was so very glad that Sam never said he was in love with his brother; that might have been a little too much to bear. "My brother is cert… uh, do you know _why_ Michael is pushing so hard for this plan, it just doesn't seem like his style." He didn’t add that as far as he was aware the plan wouldn’t work anyway.

“Well,” Sam took a deep breath. "In the beginning the Kaiju attacks was spaced by twenty-four weeks apart, then by twelve, then six, and then every two weeks. The last one in Sydney was only one single week after that. We couldn’t keep up with the repairs or the demands on our pilots and now our defenses are failing. One of our head scientists is afraid that there’s going to be a triple event in the next few days and I'm afraid that he’s right."

Castiel looked at Sam with true confusion in his gaze. “What makes you think he’s right?"

At that moment Sam cursed himself and his big mouth upside down and sideways; he didn't want Castiel to look at him like a he was a freak. "It's just a feeling you know, no real reason… I was just thinking why else would they be upping their attacks so steadily? I was just thinking  it seems like they’re testing our defences as if they’re  planning something big."

Castiel could see Sam's point, it really did make sense, but at the same time it was clear that there was something he was keeping to himself. _'If Sam doesn’t wish to tell me then I shall allow him to keep his secrets.'_

“Here we are and there she is," Sam proudly informed Castiel as they entered the cordoned-off area where Blade was being kept and repaired. Even behind the restorations and new paint it was obvious that she’d seen a lot of action and had suffered badly as a result.

Tears filled his eyes and Castiel could only stare in awe, "Oh, my God! Look at her. Blade! God, you’re so beautiful. She looks like new." Castiel couldn't resist reaching out and stroking Blade's cool metal surface with a trembling hand. "I’ve missed you so much and I'm sorry that I left you alone for so long."   
  
Sam felt his heart swell as he watched Castiel have his moment; he knew that Blade held a lot of memories both good and bad of him and Meg. Stepping up he put his hand on Castiel’s shoulder, "Better than new, Cas, she now has a double-core nuclear reactor. She's one of a kind now, just like her pilot was."  
  
"She always was." Castiel’s words were almost imperceptible and Sam wasn't sure if he was talking about Blade or Meg.

"Well now I don't know about that, my pretty baby is special as well and there’s no one that can beat her, though I do have to admit that she’s a total work of art with a solid iron hull, no alloys in my girl, thank you very much. Forty acres of muscle span and a brand new fluid Synam system."

_‘I’d know that voice anywhere,’_ Castiel half-groaned and half-grinned as he turned to see Dean along with another man following closely behind approach. "As Meg would say you always were jealous that the Impala was never half as cool as Blade,” he pointed out wryly.

The second man chuckled loudly. "He's got you there, Deano; if I wasn’t privy to your thoughts whenever we drift I might be a little jealous that the two Impalas have so much of your love." He pushed past Dean and held out his hand to Castiel. "I'm Benny Lafitte and you must be Castiel, it's nice to meet you, brother."

Sam clapped the new man on the shoulder and grinned broadly at his brother. "Benny is in charge of making sure that Dean doesn't let his mouth get them into too much trouble."

Benny shot a look at Dean that had all three men blushing as he drawled out in a throaty, seductive tone, "He's a handful but I have my ways of keeping him in line." It was impossible to miss the rather torrid glance full of promise that passed between Benny and Dean.

It took a minute for the others to gather their wits about them. "Yes, well… Dean, it’s clear that you have finally met your match and I for one am thrilled to see you so happy," Castiel told Dean.

Bubbling over with happiness Dean grinned from ear to ear at Castiel. "It's good to see you, buddy. It's going to be like old times, well almost like old times." He still felt the loss of Meg quite keenly.


	4. Chapter 4

If anyone were to ask his opinion, Sam would tell them that he thought that Benny was good for Dean; the older Winchester boy was certainly calmer than he used to be and he was wise enough to understand when Sam was unobtrusively trying to be alone with Castiel so as the group called it a night Benny stopped to re-tie his boot and naturally, Dean stopped with him. This gave Sam the opportunity to put some distance between them as he walked Castiel to his room.

"Talk to me, Sam; this can't be all you do. Restoring old Jaegers, playing tour gyide and showing has-beens like me around, that can't be it, can it? Are you a pilot now? I would have thought that when your dad retired you would have taken the pilot seat in the Impala."  
  
Sam shook his head. "No, not yet. But I want to be one, more than anything, and I’ve been training. But I couldn't deny Dean the love and happiness that having Benny in his life brings him just to fulfill my needs. My time will come…” He shrugged his shoulders and amended his words, “…maybe. I mean if Michael's plan succeeds there won't be a need for Jaeger pilots anymore," Sam pointed out.

"I remember that you had a rather high simulator score." Castiel couldn't recall how high it had been, just that it had made Meg really jealous. _‘He stole my record, Cas! Nobody’s ever scored higher than me! How did he do it? I want a rematch!’_ He smiled gently at the memory.

Sam shrugged again and looked more than a little embarrassed as he admitted, "Fifty-one drops, fifty-one kills."

"Wow! That’s really great! Sam, so why aren’t you one of the candidates tomorrow? I would think Michael would want someone of your impressive skills to be in the pilot seat of one of those Jaegers," Castiel casually commented.

Sam Winchester sighed deeply; he wanted so badly to tell Castiel about his dreams, to confess his guilt over Meg’s death, but how could he tell Castiel that he could have helped save the life of the woman he loved. Instead he offered Castiel a weak smile, "I think it might have something to do with my past experience with the Kaiju. I know you remember that we have no control over what we see in the drift and it might be just a little too much to deal with but I will be there tomorrow helping you judge who is your best fit, I promise.”

Castiel smiled at Sam. "I trust your judgement, Samuel, always have and I’m sure that you’ll do your best to help me find a suitable new pilot. Will I see you for breakfast before the test?" Castiel asked hopefully; he wasn't quite ready to leave Sam, not after being away from him for so long, but it had been a long time since he’d taken the test and he was going to need his sleep.

Sam nodded his head a faint blush to his cheeks. "I will see you bright and early. Good night, Cas."

"Good night Samuel, sleep well."

Sam watched as Castiel disappeared behind his door and closed his eyes and uttered a brief prayer; he wished that he would have sweet dreams of Castiel but he feared that once again mechanical monsters rising from the oceans to destroy his world would rule his dreams. It was times like this that he wished he had someone to share his room with but Dean had moved into Benny's room two years ago after Sam reassured him that he would be fine. He continued to hide the fact that his nightmares had gotten steadily worse; it was almost like he was constantly hearing and seeing what the Kaiju – or whatever was in charge in his dreams wanted him to. He longed so much to be held in strong arms when he woke from one of his nightmares, to have someone stroke his hair and tell him that it was going to be all right. _'That’s just a pipe dream, Sam; someone like Castiel will never be interested in someone like me,'_ Sam thought sadly as he turned on his heel and head to his own room.

******

Sleep did not come easily to Sam and as he finally slipped into the land of dreams after a few hours of lying awake tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling and thinking about Castiel. _‘I wonder_ _who_ _will earn the honour of piloting with Castiel_ _tomorrow?’_

******

_"Their defences are weak; they are running out of our greatest enemies."_

_"They build walls to keep our creations out but they are nothing but a piece a paper to our beast’s claws, they will fall just like all others before them and this world shall be ours."_

_"It is nearly ready and when it is finished so shall they be."_

******

Sam shot straight up in bed and his heart was pounding like a jackhammer in his chest as he shivered and shuddered from the echoes of the unknown voices in his head. He was right; they _were_ up to something big and it was going to be the end of humanity. A broken chuckle escaped Sam's lips. "Well I guess everyone is about to find out just how big of a freak I really am." Sam’s shoulders sagged in defeat as he realised that his hopes of being Castiel's co-pilot had just been completely destroyed. There was no way he could keep his gift – or curse –a secret from anyone anymore; he had to come clean and be seen for the freak he truly was.

People’s lives – Castiel’s life – depended on it.

******

Castiel was worried about Sam and from the looks Dean and Benny kept shooting at the younger Winchester, he wasn't the only one. Given Sam’s blood-shot eyes, the dark circles under them and the unnatural pallor of his face it wasn't hard to miss the fact that Sam hadn’t gotten any sleep last night. But being a true trooper, there he was standing next to Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel as Castiel set about testing the candidates for their compatibility. Seeing Sam standing so close to Lucifer had him growling in frustration and irrational jealousy and he easily took out the first candidate.

"Four points to zero," Sam called out marking something down in his pad he was holding.

Gabriel grinned around the lollypop in his mouth; this was turning out to be much more exciting than he thought it would be and he could barely contain his glee as he watched Castiel easily beat the next poor soul that Michael sent his way. _'I wonder if dear little brother is picturing old Lucy's face on all of his challengers’ faces? Personally the way he’s glaring at Lucifer for daring to stand next to his Sammy is a hoot!'_

  
"Four points to one again," Sam called out recording the disappointing score next to the man's name.

Feeling impotent rage coursing through his veins every time Lucifer smiled at Sam Castiel easily took on the next candidate and quickly beat him. As he waited for the next pilot-to-the-slaughter, he looked over at Lucifer and saw that he kept giving him sour disapproving looks and deciding that he’d had enough Castiel walked over to his brother.

"Okay, what? You don't like them? I thought you selected them personally," Castiel asked having assumed a rather belligerent stance with his hands on his hips, feeling his intense jealousy of Lucifer's past with Sam mixing with his fury over Lucifer having a problem with him.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow more than a little surprised that Castiel was speaking up to him. "Excuse me?" he voiced his disbelief.

"Every time a match ends, you make this little... gesture, this sarcastic little sneer, like you're critical of their performance," Castiel pointed out almost wishing that Lucifer was one of his candidates just so he could beat him up for daring to stand so close to his Sam.

  
"You misunderstand me, little brother, it's not _their_ performance I'm judging, it's yours, you jam it. You could have taken all of them two moves earlier. Unless you are trying to show off for someone, to convince them to get in the right with you," Lucifer taunted knowingly. “Maybe someone standing here watching your every move? Someone named…”

“Shut up!” Castiel snarled viciously but his anger had no effect on his brother; Lucifer merely laughed at him.

Sam suddenly felt very uncomfortable and shot Dean a worried look; he could see his older brother's hands clenching into fists. He knew that Dean would love any chance to punch Lucifer in the mouth and he was very grateful that Benny was there to keep him under control. The last thing he wanted – or needed – was a brawl in the middle of the testing center.

Gabriel crunched the last bit of candy off his lollypop and tossed the stick into the waste paper bin. He could see where this was going and as much fun as it was to watch his brothers squabble and posture like children he had to admit that they did have a crazy plan. If they had any hope whatsoever they were going to need Castiel and Blade at their best. Stepping gracefully between Lucifer and Castiel before they could come to blows he suggested, “What do you say we change things up a bit? How about we give Sam a shot?"

"No!" The terrified sound echoed in the metal girders overhead.

Everyone was shocked to find that the vehement denial didn't come from Michael or Dean but from Sam himself who looked absolutely horrified at being considered a candidate for Castiel’s drift partner. "No.” He took a deep breath and continued, “We should stick to the cadet list we have; it’s got every qualified person on it we could find. I'm not ready to be a pilot." Sam couldn't imagine being a pilot, not now; fate wouldn't be so cruel as to give him what he longed for only to have it snatched away when the truth about him was finally revealed.

But from the thoughtful way Michael was looking at him Sam was suddenly afraid that his protest however heartfelt and logical it was might be in vain. "This is about drift compatibility as well as physical compatibility, Sam, and you’ve consistently achieved one of our top scores so we know that you have the neural connection necessary. All right, Mr. Winchester, please step into the ring." Michael grandly waved Sam forward.

Realising that he had no choice in the matter, Sam deflated like a punctured balloon; there was no way that he could go against a direct order from his boys. With a heavy heart he handed his pad over to Gabriel, slipped off his shoes and socks and reluctantly met Castiel on the mat. As he settled in he found it impossible to meet the other man’s eyes.

Dean had always been aware that something unusual was going on with his younger brother but he didn't think it was this bad. He knew how very much Sam wanted to be a pilot and to hear him object now that his chance had finally come just didn't make any sense to him. Even now standing on the mat facing off against Castiel he could tell that his brother was wishing with all his might that he could be anywhere but here. _'What's going on with you, Sammy? After this you and I are definitely going to have a long talk,'_ Dean vowed as he studied his brother with worried eyes.

  
"You both know the rules, four strikes marks a win," Michael declared as Sam and Castiel walked towards one another and the room fell silent as the two men faced one another. Then without warning each made their move towards the other and no one was at all surprised when Castiel used his vast experience to take the first strike within seconds.

  
"One-zero. Sam, I know you do not wish to be here and it bothers me that I am unsure as to why but please, do not go easy on me,” Castiel pleaded with Sam. “I truly wish to see your capabilities.”

_'Please don't let this be a mistake on my part,'_ Sam prayed silently as he quickly retaliated immediately taking the second strike and somehow he even managed a little smile for Castiel. "One-one."

Happily returning Sam's smile Castiel was able to take the next strike although it wasn’t easy. "Two-one. Much better, Sam, but still you should concentrate more, I’m your opponent, not whatever has you afraid," Castiel gently reminded him lowering his voice so that the others wouldn’t near the last part.

Sam nodded and they began their third match and this time the fight lasted a little longer before Sam was able to take the next strike. "Two-two. You better watch it, Cas." Sam had decided that just because he was going to have to turn down the honour of being Castiel’s drift companion didn't mean that he couldn't show everyone that he truly belonged at the man’s side as a Jaeger pilot.

Again the ensuing battle lasts a little longer than before as the duo fight for dominance and then in a move that surprised Castiel Sam took the strike. Glowing with his success he favoured Castiel with a little grin. "Three-two."  
  
Castiel was delighted to see Sam looking and acting so confidently and when the fighting commenced again Sam’s improved attitude meant that each man was equally capable of beating the other. From the sidelines Michael, Dean, Gabriel and Lucifer watched with rapt attention as the two battled until finally Sam feinted to the left and then attacked from the right, landing Castiel flat on his back on the floor.

"Enough! I've seen everything I need to,” Michael called out calling officially putting an end to the fighting.

"Me too.” Castiel happily nodded his head in agreement. “Sam's my co-pilot!"

Michael made a final note on the pad in his hand and smiled at his brother. "That’s what I’m thinking; Sam, congratulations, you are now Blade’s new co-pilot."

But instead of looking overjoyed about the news Sam put his hands up and started backing away with a truly horrified look on his face. “No! I'm… sorry sir, but I can't! I’m not… I cannot be a pilot, not for Castiel or anyone. You'll have to pick someone else." Sam cast a look at Castiel. "I'm sorry, Cas; I would give anything to be your pilot but I just can't, I'm truly sorry."

No one said anything as Sam ran from the room and for a moment it looked like Dean was going to follow him but a firm hand on his shoulder held him in place. Putting an arm around his lover’s shoulders Benny whispered, "It can't be you, Dean, it's got to be Castiel who talks to Sam. I know you’re worried about him but trust me, Sam will come to you when he's ready, just have a little more patience." In the back of his mind Benny knew that he was asking an awful lot from Dean; the man was so incredibly protective when it came to his brother.

"Well, are you just going to stand here with your mouth hanging open or are you going to go after your boy?" Gabriel demanded as he looked at Castiel.

"If you truly wish for Sam to be your partner then you’d better go after him," Michael added his encouragement to his brother’s. “He’s not going to listen to anyone else.”

Gulping deeply Castiel realised that they were right; he did want Sam and not just as his pilot but for the moment that was all that he had so with a determined nod he was off and running after Sam. He hadn’t gotten far when it dawned on him that he had no idea where Sam could be.

"Follow me, I know where Sam goes to be alone and use that giant brain of his to over-think things." Dean had followed Castiel out of the room; he knew his brother better than any other living being and he knew that the other man was going to need his help in finding Sam.

******

Sam looked around the inside of the Impala as his hand slowly stroked her soft upholstery. It had been such a long time since she’d felt the sunlight glinting off her sleek metal body as she sped down the open road like an elegant beast, Dean had made a point of telling him several times how many years it had been since he’d had a chance to drive her and it was clear how much he missed that pleasure.

A few moments later the silence between the two men was broken when Castiel heard, "See, I told you this is where he’d be. I'll just leave you two alone so you can talk some sense into him." Dean's outside the car’s window voice was the only warning Sam had before the driver’s-side door of the Impala was ripped open and Castiel was shoved in, barely getting his foot inside before the door was slammed shut behind him.

Sam’s heart leapt when he glanced at the man now sitting next to him. "Before you start, Castiel, I should warn you that it's no use trying to change my mind, I can't drift with you," Sam warned forcing himself to keep his eyes fixed firmly on the dashboard. He knew that if he looked into those blue eyes he loved so much his resolve would crumble. who He could already feel himself starting to weaken beneath Castiel’s watchful yet concerned gaze.

"I do not understand, Sam, surely you felt it! We are completely compatible and I believe that we are truly meant to be drift partners. I have never experienced such a tight and powerful connection before not even with Meg. I thought that this is what you wanted." Castiel was bewildered; why didn’t Sam want to drift with him, unless… "Is it me, Sam? Do you not wish to drift with me?" Castiel was sure his heart would shatter if Sam's answer was yes.

"No! Of course it's not you, Cas! Why would you think that?” Sam was absolutely horrified that Castiel thought that he was the problem when it was clearly him. “I swear I would give anything to drift with you, Cas, you have to believe me but there’s nothing I can do about it. I can't drift with anyone!"

"Why not, Sam?" Castiel asked softly tilting his head to study Sam better. “Please talk to me.”

"Because I hear them!” Sam blurted out. “Don’t you understand? I can hear whoever is behind the Kaiju in my dreams and I see what they’re planning before it happens!” Without realising that he was moving until he had Castiel’s shirtfront clutched in his hands, Sam let his pain shine through in both his eyes and his words. “The Kaiju know about me! They know I can see them!” Sam’s voice choked for a moment.

“I got Jess killed because they knew I was out of the base. I tried to go alone but she won't let me and she died and it was my fault. I saw in my dreams that the Kaiju were going to attack in pairs the day Meg was killed and I said nothing. Can't you see, Cas, I'm no good for anyone. I'm a freak!” After keeping his secret bottled up for so long his words exploded from his lips like champagne from an uncorked bottle.

Never could anything have prepared Castiel for that bit of news but there was one thing that he needed to set straight. Covering Sam’s hands in his, he looked the other man straight in the eye as he insisted, "You are not a freak, Sam Winchester. Never in my eyes have I seen you as one and I refused to let anyone, let alone you, call you such a vile name. I am honored to call you friend and to drift with you." He moved one hand upwards to gently cup Sam’s face. “I trust you, Sam, I trust you with my life. Don’t you ever forget that.”

It was all he could to stop himself from leaning into Castiel’s touch and Sam told himself he wasn't going to cry. "But what if my drifting with you puts you in danger? What if I’m some sort of beacon or something for them? What if I give away the whole plan? I can't knowingly put you in harm’s way, Cas!” He left unsaid, _‘you mean too much to me!’_ Out loud he continues, “I wouldn’t put Dean or any of the others in that kind of risk either; why can't you see that it's better for everyone if I never drift."

“Look at me, Sam.” Castiel took both of Sam’s hands in his and held them tightly as he gazed into the man’s fear-filled eyes. "You are basing your entire future on jumbled images and what-if's from your dreams and that’s not fair, not to you, not to me and not to the others.”

“But they’re so real, Cas; you haven’t seen them!” Sam insisted. “I swear I can reach out and touch them!”

“It’s just make-believe.” Castiel shook his head. “When you sleep your mind uses dreams to help you solve problems and answer questions that you couldn’t when you’re awake.”

“I know you’re trying to help but…” Sam searched for the right words. “None of the guys is going to want to fly with someone who’s incapable of telling dreams from reality. And besides, what if I’m a magnet for the Kaiju? What if they can use me to see for them? How can my friends depend on me to keep them safe when…”

“How do you know they can’t trust you?” Castiel let his exasperation show in his voice as he said, “You haven't even asked them yet! You’re not being fair to your friends and family; they don’t know what you’ve been going through. Don’t you think they deserve a chance to make their own decisions about your… your ability?”

Sam stubbornly refused to admit that Castiel had a valid point. “If the Kaiju read my mind then people will die.”

“Who says that if you will drift the Kaiju will be able to read your mind? This is still all in your imagination; nothing about your dreams has been proven yet. Meg’s death was sheer coincidence, I promise you. Besides, I’m the one that you’ll be drifting with and not one of them. I will keep you safe Sam, I promise; all I am asking for is a chance to prove it to you. Please trust me enough to try, please?" Castiel pleaded with Sam.

“Damn right, Sammy. You may be a pain in the ass but you’re my baby brother pain in the ass and no one messes with you but me! I swear I’ll end anyone who dares to mess with you just because you’re a little different!” Dean vowed as he yanked open the passenger’s-side door to his baby and pulled Sam out and into a hug.

Sam gave a choked sob as he wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and held on for all he was worth. _‘Leave_ _it to Dean to be_ _listening in on a heart-to-heart conversation,’_ he thought, all because he was probably worried about them defiling his poor baby. _‘I’m sure that back seat has seen plenty of action thanks to Dean!’_ he gave a tearful but silent laugh.

With a watery smile, Sam pulled away from Dean and straightened his shoulders resolutely. "I need to talk to Marshall Michael first and let him know what’s happening before I make any decision,” he shrugged, “after learning the truth he might not let me drift." Sam knew that the Marshall could be a hard man to read but as the man ultimately responsible for everyone’s safety, he needed to know about Sam’s precognitive dreams in order to ensure that he had every base covered. If Michael said no, that it was simply too dangerous for Sam to be anyone’s drift partner… well then Sam would just have to learn to live with that decision no matter how heart-breaking it might be.

"You know how much I hate it when you’re right," Dean grumbled with a pouty lip but he knew that Sam had a point. “If you want I’ll go with you,” he offered and he was hit by the memory of the day a frightened six-year-old Sam decided to tell the truth about who broke their mom’s favourite coffee mug. Twenty years later he respected his brother for still having the integrity to tell the truth, this time about what he’d been enduring and agreeing not to drift until they’d talked to the brass and that included their parents.


	5. Chapter 5

Michael was sitting behind his desk going over the rest of the possible candidates for Castiel's co-pilot just in case Castiel couldn't convince Sam to drift with him. "Don't you two have an office of your own you could go to instead of hanging out in mine?" Michael growled as his office door opened, two bodies plopped themselves down on the sofa and the TV was turned on.

"But you have the bigger better TV,” Gabriel pouted as he split open a bag of gummy worms and offered it to Balthazar. “Oh look one our favorite assholes is in the hot seat; I wonder what bullshit he has to say today." The unexpected profanity in Gabriel’s comment was enough to get Michael to lift his head in surprise; he was both taken aback and intrigued to see that his brother had turned on a press conference of all things. On screen at the moment a reporter renowned for her hard-hitting exposes of political corruption and ineptitude was standing next to a pile of smoking rubble that had once been the Sydney Opera House.

"In the tragic wake of the Sydney incident, which has shown the entire world the true ineffective and wasteful nature of The Wall of Life program, many are questioning the government's true motives behind funding the wall’s construction while the families of survivors and victims are wondering why the Jaeger program was discontinued in the first place. Riots have erupted along the coastlines of several Pan Pacific cities as demonstrators take to the streets to express their displeasure over recent events and their concern for the future." The TV reporter looked into the camera with a stern look on her face. “We return you to the station for continuing coverage of the United Nation’s press conference.”

"Ooh I was wondering when someone would get around to asking that! This should be good," Balthazar said with a grin as he grabbed a handful of gummy goodness. “I love watching slimy politicians squirm when they get caught being stupid.”  
  
The scene shifted from the devastation in Australia to a room filled with reports and news crews, all focused on the raised dais up front.

“What has been done to ease the suffering and ensure the safety of Australia’s victims?”

Anyone with eyes could see that the American UN Representative looked more a little nervous at being the focal point of a serious question and a bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face. "We had boots on the ground in Sydney and other affected regions within hours of the Kaiju attack and as a result we have now relocated millions of civilians and supplies three miles in land away from the coastal regions to the safe zones."   
  
But that answer clearly wasn't enough for the reporter as she demanded, "Safe zones for the rich and powerful? What about the rest of us?"

"You go, girl!" Gabriel cheered her on as he bounced in his seat.   
  
"Yeah, answer the question!" Balthazar shouted at the screen.

Michael had to smile with grim satisfaction; there was no denying that the American rep wasn't enjoying his moment in the spotlight as he hurriedly added, "I believe The Wall Life is still our best option at this time and that's all I'm going to say on the matter. Thank you."

"Coward," Balthazar muttered under his breath.

"Yes he is as are the rest of them but now the people know this for a fact. Now that news footage of the Sydney attack has been broadcast world-wide governments in every vulnerable country will be questioning why the UN continues to believe the Wall Life is their best bet and not the Jaegers. I really think truthful answers are going to be sought now," Michael commented.

"Here's hoping that we’re still alive to hear the answers," Gabriel added, saluting the TV with the bag of gummies. "I really want to see those guys fry for caring more about money than lives."

Before anyone could respond there was a knock on Michael's door and Ellen's head poked in. "Sorry to disturb you boss, but Sam needs to talk to you and everyone else in charge as soon as possible; he says it's rather important."

That bit of news had Gabriel and Balthazar simultaneously raising an eyebrow in surprise; in all the time that Sam had worked for the Jaeger program he had never once asked for a meeting. They looked at one another with concern; clearly Sam had made a decision about being whether or not to be Castiel’s drift partner although why he would want to make a formal announcement about it was beyond them.

"Fine. Tell everyone to meet in the conference room as soon as possible. I would like you and Bobby to attend as well," Michael instructed her.

Ellen smiled brightly at him. "When those boys are involved just try and keep Bobby and me away." Then she was gone, closing the door quietly behind her.

"You know when Bobby was hooking up with Crowley I always thought that Ellen and Bobby would have made a great couple," Gabriel spoke up once he was sure Ellen was out of earshot.

_‘Oh god, give me strength,’_ Michael closed his eyes in prayer and immediately heard a sharp whack followed by Gabriel's cry of pain. "Thank you, Balthazar," Michael murmured with a faint smile.

"Oh suck it up, you big baby! You deserve that and more for putting the idea of Crowley and Bobby having sex lives into my brain. I am so going to make you pay for that the next time we drift," Balthazar vowed as he snatched the bag of gummies away from Gabriel and sat on it. “And I’m not sharing these with you anymore.”

Gabriel just cracked up, rolling on the sofa with gales of laughter; sometimes it was just too easy.

******

Sam had never been more nervous in all his life as he stood before his family and friends, explaining that for many years now he had been having prophetic dreams about the Kaiju, hearing their thoughts, seeing them in action, so he took the easy way and just blurted the words out in one big rush. The only word anyone heard for sure was ‘freak’.

“Wow!” John Winchester held up his hand, interrupting his son’s jumbled announcement. “Slow down a little, Sam; we can’t understand what you’re saying.”

Sam sucked in a deep breath, exhaled, took a second breath and began again. “I started having visions of the Kaiju’s almost a year before the first one arrived; I didn’t understand what I was seeing, I thought they were just nightmares until it was too late and the first attack happened. Then we defeated it and I foolishly thought that was the end but six months later, the dreams started up again. I could see them... I could feel them; they’re as real as you and me and they’ve only gotten worse. Now I'm dreaming about them every single night and Crowley is right: they _are_ planning something big. We’re missing something important and I’m afraid that if we don’t figure out what it is the mission might fail.”

“Do you have any idea at all what this missing piece might be?” Michael’s voice was calm. “Any clues in your dreams?”

Sam shook his head. “No or at least not yet. But I won’t give up till I figure it out.”

“Maybe if you tried keeping a dream journal,” Sam’s mother spoke up, her concern for her son etching a furrow in her forehead. “Keep a pen and paper or your iPad next to your bed and the moment you wake up start writing down every detail you can remember. You don’t have to make sentences, just words and images; the important thing is to record them before you forget. Don’t think about them while you’re writing; you can make sense of them later.”

“That’s actually an excellent idea,” Castiel nodded. “We might be able to discern a pattern from the list that could help us.”

Sam’s heart sank as he looked at Castiel; it was time to shoot himself in the foot and eliminate any chance of ever being the man’s co-pilot. “That’s why I can't risk drifting with Castiel because what if it's a two-way street? What if by opening myself up to the drift I allow them to see what we’re planning? What if…”

Gabriel snorted. “You’re giving a bunch of ‘what-if’s’ way too much power, dude.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Sam stubbornly shook his head, “That's why you have to choose someone else to be Castiel's partner," Sam informed them all with a tone of finality in his voice. “It’s the only way to make sure everyone stays safe.”

"Sam, why didn't you tell us sooner, sweetheart?" Mary climbed to her feet and rounded the table pulling Sam out of his chair and into her arms. “Oh Sam, my poor boy, you must know that we would never see you as a freak. You’ll always be my precious baby.”

“You can sense them, can’t you? That’s why you’re in agreement with Crowley because you’ve seen something, haven’t you? Something that’s coming, right?” Bobby asked glaring at his partner. “You know what the Kaiju are up to, don’t you?”

"Moose, I'm so hurt! If that's the only reason that you agreed with me then I think it’s high time that we rethink our friendship," Crowley informed Sam with a deep frown.

Sam felt his dad come up behind him and place his hand on his shoulder. "No matter what you are my son, Sam, and I'm very proud of you. What you did just took a lot of courage," John whispered.

"If Sam's right and we _are_ missing something here then maybe our only hope might be to learn let you drift," Michael spoke up. “Maybe we’ll figure out what you know so that we can use it against them.”

"You want my baby brother to drift so that a Kaiju can get into his mind? Do you know how insane that sounds?" Dean’s anger boiled over as he demanded to know from Michael. “Do you have any idea how dangerous that will be? What if he can’t keep himself separate from the alien’s mind?”

It was only Benny's hand on Dean's shoulder that kept him standing in place instead of launching himself at their leader. As it was his fists were clenching and unclenching at his sides, itching to wrap themselves around Michael’s neck. Benny kept his voice calm and low as he said, "Now honey, I don't think that's what he meant at all.” He felt a slight change in the tension in Dean’s body. “Why don't you give him a chance to explain?"

Michael gave Benny a sign of gratefulness. "I didn't mean it like that at all, Dean; I’m talking about Sam and Castiel drifting together inside the safety of Blade. If Sam truly does have a connection to the Kaiju then drifting with a partner might lighten the load on his mind which might allow him and his partner to see what we have missed. It could be our only chance to make sure that this plan goes off without a hitch, so Sam, are you willing to drift with Castiel?" Michael asked looking at Sam.

Sam didn’t hesitate; he reached out and grasped Castiel's hand tightly. "I’m willing to give it a try if he’s willing to take a chance on having me as his partner," Sam stated firmly as he stared shyly at Castiel.

"There is no one I would rather drift with than you, Sam," Castiel reassured him looking him directly in the eye so there would be no missing his sincerity.

Dean's eyes narrowed as he watched the intense connection between the two men; he was definitely going to have a little talk with Castiel before he let his friend drift with Sam.

******

Having seen Dean’s reaction out of the corner of his eye, Castiel was not at all surprised when the man pulled him aside. Sam was being escorted down to the medical center where Jody was waiting to run a whole series of scans and other tests on him before she or Michael would allow him to drift.

"You do know that just because you’re my friend doesn't mean that I won't kill you if you harm my brother in any way. I know that you know that he's been in love with you for years even though he never said anything because he saw how happy you were with Meg. Now I'm not saying that Sam didn't love Jess, because he did but please believe me when I tell you that he never once looked at her the way he looks at you all the time.”

“I do love Sam,” Castiel admitted, “I think in some ways I always have, and now that there’s a chance for us to be together I want to do everything I can to make sure nothing happens to him.”

“Good, because I'm warning you, Castiel, if you ever hurt Sam any feelings of friendship we might have will be gone and swear on Sam’s life that I will end you," Dean vowed getting right up in Castiel's face.

Castiel was completely unfazed by Dean’s murderous intensity. "I would expect nothing less from you, Dean. I have cared about your brother for the longest time and if I hadn't met and drifted with Meg I would have acted on my feelings for Sam. Meg was fully aware of my feelings for Sam and made me promise that if anything ever happened to her that I would someday act on them.”

Dean saw pain and sorrow flash through Castiel’s eyes as he too remembered the sight of Meg’s broken body being removed from the mangled remains of their Jaeger.

“She believed that when this war was all over whatever was between us would be gone, that we were simply beguiled by the intimacy of the drift. I tried to reassure her that she was wrong, that we would always be together but I knew she was right. I didn't begin falling for her until after we started drifting and as much as I loved her I simply could not rid myself of my feelings for Sam. I admit to being just a little bit upset that I will never know if I loved Meg enough to stay away from Sam.” Castiel looked at Dean with a clear conscience as he said earnestly, “I will not mess this up, I promise you."

"Damn Cas, I never realised that Meg felt like that but she knew you did love her and that’s more than most people ever get. Just be gentle with Sam, he's more fragile than you realise," Dean pointed out with all the wisdom and worry of an older brother.

"I promise," Castiel vowed as he held out his hand to seal his oath.

******

Once Sam was given a clean bill of health from Jody followed by the okay from Michael he joined Castiel in Blade for a trial run.

Bobby of course didn't care if it was just a trial, he was going to make damn sure that the Jaeger was ready to see battle and survive to tell the story. "These transmitters are non-operative, you need to replace them." Bobby growled something under his breath about fools who clearly didn't know what they were doing.

Sam took a deep breath as he gazed at Castiel who returned his smile. "It's going to be okay, Sam. Setting neural for task mode. Trust me, okay? I will not allow anything to happen to you."

Sam gave a small nod of agreement before he warned, "I do, I just hope you can handle what you are going to see."

"It will be fine. Nothing can scare me away from you, Sam."

Michael had taken a step back from the situation and had placed Mary and John in charge; Gabriel had pointed out that it might be easier for Sam if he had a familiar voice guiding him in and Dean had refused to move from his spot next to Jody where she was monitoring his brother's vitals.

"Prepare the Neural Handshake," John ordered and as he felt Mary slip her hand into his and give it a quick squeeze he turned to his wife and whispered, “They’ll be fine.”

"Initiating Neural Handshake. Good luck, boys."   
__  
"Okay. We're on the simulator now, Sam. Remember, don't chase the rabbit. Grant them access, brain impulses trigger memories. Just let them flow, don't latch on. Tune them out, stay in the drift, the drift is silence," Castiel advised Sam who gave a shaky nod.  
  
"Neural interface drift initiating." Blade’s AI sounded and Sam found himself falling into the drift.

  
"Right hemisphere calibrated. Left hemisphere calibrated. Ready to activate the Jaeger." Blade continued to report in a monotone voice.  


Back at the command center all eyes were watching as Blade's pilots began coming on line.

"Okay, Blade. Lining up nicely. Better get ready," Bobby informed them all.   
  
"Pilot to Jaeger connection." Blade's AI responded in turn. "Calibration completed."

_The ground rumbled and Sam was in California with Jess by his side, they looked like a young couple in love and something in Castiel clenched at the strong feelings he was getting from Sam for Jess._

_The moment was broken as_ _sirens filled the air. "Kaiju incoming, everyone head for the shelters.”_

_Panic filled the streets as they ran for cover but it was too late as a Kaiju came crashing through the buildings._

_It's cold mechanical eyes searched the crowd, seeking out and then locking onto Sam and then, after giving a roar loud enough to shake the buildings surrounding them all, it charged forward fully intent upon destroying Sam Winchester._

_"Jess, we have to run!" Gripping Jess' hand tightly Sam ran through the crowd pulling her along with him._

_With a start Castiel realized that the Kaiju was hunting Sam, it was on him and no one else; he’d never felt so completely helpless to do anything._

_“Jess!” Sam screamed as he felt Jessica’s hand slip from his and he spun around to find her._

_“Sam!” Jessica cried as she was pulled further away from Sam by the panicking crowd and shoved backwards getting closer and closer to the Kaiju._

_Sam could only watch frozen in horror as a building suddenly fell on the crowd and a Kaiju came crashing through the debris he saw Jess trip and he started towards her but it was too late. The only thing Sam could do was scream, "Jess! No!" as Jess was crushed beneath a mountain of collapsing concrete._

_He wanted to fall to his knees and dig her free; he had to save her, he had to! Sam didn't understand why he’d lived; why was he spared while Jess was taken? How could the world be so cruel as to tear her from him?_

_"Sam! Run!" Castiel pleaded as he watched helplessly through the drift as the Kaiju stalked towards Sam who seemed frozen in his spot._

_Sam blinked and finally looked up and when he saw the monster grow closer to him with every step he threw one last despairing glance at Jess’ final resting place and then forced himself to move. But no matter how fast or how far he ran he couldn't lose the Kaiju and in the confusion of the screaming stampeding crowds Sam ended up taking a wrong turn and suddenly he found himself trapped in a dead-end alleyway._

_"We see you, Sam Winchester." A new voice spoke in their drift and Sam turned around; his surroundings had changed, the Kaiju was gone and laid before them was the breach in all its glory._

_"Yeah, well you're not the only one who can see," Sam commented blinking in surprise; it took him several seconds to realise that they were no longer lost in his memories. One glance at Castiel proved that his co-pilot was just as confused as he was._

_"You are a curious human, aren’t you, one who has never drifted yet you can see into our minds and understand our thoughts. We know why you can here, Sam Winchester, you and Castiel – yes, we know he’s there with you – and we will not let you leave with with the answers you are so desperately seeking,” the voice warned._

_Without warning it felt like his mind was on fire, flames burning his brain as though it were mere tissue paper and Sam couldn't contain the agonized scream that tore from his lips. Darkness threatened to claim him but before it could Sam swore he could hear Castiel screaming his name in terror._

_"Sam!"_


	6. Chapter 6

In the command center the alarms were going crazy their cacophony of sound nearly drowning out the panicked voices. "Something is wrong! Cut the drift!" Dean ordered frantically as he watched his brother flail about. His own heart plummeted as he saw Sam’s heart rate spiking into dangerous potentially deadly levels. “Do it now!”

"I'm trying, boy, I'm trying!" Bobby snarled; he could understand Dean's fears, they were his as well. "Nothing's working!”

"Cut the line, cut the power," John ordered in a calm, steady tone even as he was shoving the chairs away and getting on the floor so he could crawl under the console. In a matter of seconds Bobby was next to him, tools in hand, helping the frantic father pull the power couplings that were linked to the Jaeger systems.

Truly panicked by the unexpected turn of events, Dean felt his blood pressure soar as Sam's heart rate continued to sky rocket and he was sure that his brother’s heart was going to explode at any moment. _‘How much more of this can Sam take?’_ Just when he was ready to go pull the plug out himself he heard an excited shout of success from Bobby.

"Power disengaged, get them out of there!"

Dean was moving before Bobby finished.

******

Castiel felt the drift end abruptly and he was immediately stumbling towards Sam catching him before he could completely collapse.

"The drif… di’ you see…?" Sam asked his voice was shaky and his words slurred. Blood flowed freely from his nose to soak into the fabric of his dark blue Jaeger flight suit. His skin was pale and clammy and as he clutched at Castiel for support his hands shook. In fact, his entire body was trembling with the strain of remaining upright. “Tell me you saw it!” Sam begged just as his knees buckled and it was all Castiel could do to keep him on his feet..

Cradling Sam’s body against his own, Castiel gently lowered them both to the floor.  As he wiped the sweat from Sam’s forehead he quietly replied, "I did, I saw it and I'll take care of it just as soon as we get you to medical." Truth be told he couldn't even begin to think about what he’d just seen, not when his precious Sam looked so close to death.

“No!” Sam stubbornly shook his head and tried to get to his feet but Castiel held him firmly until he gave up struggling. "No, have to warn ‘em, Jaeg… the breach, …plan..." Sam’s voice weakened to a whisper and then trailed off as he found it too hard to speak or even to keep his eyes focused; he blinked as Castiel's face became blurry. "Love you so much," was the last thing Sam got out before his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed bonelessly into Castiel's waiting arms.

Running pell-mell from the medical bay Dean rushed to the testing arena where the scene he stumbled upon was like something out of his worst nightmare. Sam was lying on the floor cradled in Castiel's arms. He was so unearthly pale and much too still; Sam could barely see his brother’s chest rise and fall. "Cas... is he?" Dean simply could not bring himself to finish the question.

Without taking his eyes off of Sam’s face, Castiel shook his head. "No, but they did some…” He choked on his words and had to swallow convulsively before he continued, “…something to him Dean, they hurt him. Help me get him to medical, please!" Castiel finally raised his eyes to meet Dean’s as he pleaded.

As far as Dean was concerned, it felt was like he was moving on autopilot and in slow motion as he knelt down next to Castiel and gently placed one of Sam's arms over his shoulders. _'Please God, don't take Sammy away from me! I need him, we need him! Please don’t let him die, not after this, not if he is the one who can find a way to beat these bastards. Please!'_ Dean prayed as hard as he ever had in his life while he and Castiel carefully moved Sam to the waiting gurney that Jody had brought with her as soon as she’d realised that Sam was in danger. The room had filled with the others who were waiting for news of Sam’s condition and Bobby and John quickly moved to help get Sam’s limp body on the gurney.

Mary was halfway down the hall, on her way to the testing area when she met the group hurrying the gurney towards medical and  a choked sob escaped her lips as her son came into view. Ellen saw that the older woman was on the verge of collapsing into a heap on the floor and she immediately wrapped her arm around Mary’s waist, keeping a firm hold of her as the gurney passed by.

"I can't lose my baby, Ellen, I just can't." Mary sobbed out as her entire body shook with emotion.

Ellen was fighting back her own tears; she knew that a parent’s greatest fear was something happening to their child. "You get that thought out of your head this instant, Mary Winchester! You are not going to lose that boy; he's too strong to just give up.” Even as she spoke Ellen just prayed that Sam didn't make her out to be a liar. “And besides, he knows that Castiel is waiting for him and those two have earned their happy ending."

******  
The waiting room was quiet, much too quiet as the assembled group grimly waited for Jody to appear and tell them about Sam’s condition. The gurney had vanished behind the heavy doors leading to the operating theatre almost thirty minutes ago and the tension in the waiting room was palpable. They all knew that Jody was a highly qualified doctor and that Sam couldn’t be in better hands plus she had Jo helping her as she had taken a nursing course but still no one was sure what those insidious creatures had done to Sam.

"The plan is not going to work."

It was Castiel who finally broke the thick, uneasy silence and all eyes flew to him.

"Blowing up the breach, it is not going to work!" Castiel continued not looking at anyone; his eyes were locked on the door that led to where Sam was being feverishly worked on.   
**  
**"What do you mean? What's not gonna work?" Michael asked with a sinking feeling in his gut. _‘What the hell did Sam see?’_

"Just because the breach is open does not mean you will be able to get a bomb through. The breach genetically reads the Kaiju like a scanner reads a bar code at the supermarket and then it lets them pass. That's what Sam and I learned while that thing was attacking Sam.”

“What did… how could they…” John Winchester wanted answers but he wasn’t sure which question to ask first.

“I do not know how they did it,” Castiel shook his head somberly, “but somehow they were able to open their own drift with Sam even though he was connected to me and our drift let me see what he was seeing. I have been thinking about this ever since we broke free and I believe that the only way for this plan to work is for you to fool the breach into thinking that you have the same code!" Castiel explained.  
  
"I don't mean to sound rude but just how in the hell are we supposed to do that?" Bobby asked with his eyebrows in his hairline.

It wasn't Castiel who answered but Dean. "By making it think you _are_ a Kaiju." His eyes were gleaming with excitement.  
  
Castiel nodded his head. "You will have to hold onto the Kaiju, ride it into the breach, the throat will then read the Kaiju's genetic code and let you pass. If you don't do it, the bomb will deflect off the breach just like it always has and the mission will fail. Everything that Sam endured today will be for nothing!”

For the first time since encountering her son’s body in the hallway, Mary Winchester spoke up and her eyes flashed with passion, “That is not acceptable! My son was tortured by those… those monsters and that has to mean something!”

John wrapped his arms around his wife, offering her comforting words, “It will, I promise you; Sam did not risk his life for nothing.”

Once he was sure that Mary was calm again, Castiel spoke again, “We also found out why the Kaiju are here. These beings, these masters, they are colonists. They appear out of nowhere, invading and taking over worlds. They just... they only exist to consume everything the world has to offer and then they… they just move on to the next.”

Gabriel gasped. “That’s horrible!”

“Agreed!” Balthazar exclaimed. “We have to stop them!”

“It gets worse.” Castiel spoke again. “They have been here before, as sort of a trial run. It was during prehistoric times during the days of the dinosaurs, but the atmosphere wasn't conducive to their needs. So they left, invaded other worlds while they waited for the earth to advance until it was suitably… well ‘destroyed’ was the image I received and then they returned.”

“This is awful!” Mary was truly shocked by what she was hearing.

“As you know Earth’s environment is on its last legs with the depleted ozone layer, the rampant pollution, the noxious carbon monoxide, the destruction of the rain forests and all the polluted water... well mankind has practically terraformed this world for them. Now that the work is done, they are coming back and the modern world? It's perfect for their needs.”

Around him the room stared in stunned silence, absorbing the truth of what Castiel was saying.

“Through Sam’s connection to the Kaiju he and I now understand that what we have been experiencing these last few years has only been the first wave of their invasion plan. The Kaiju that we have been battling are just the hounds sent in to soften us up. They are intended to wear us down, deplete our resources, destroy our military capabilities then, when we have nothing left to fight them with, they send in the big guns.  Categories 1 through 4, they are nothing compared to what is coming.”

Mary started trembling in her husband’s arms. “Dear god, how much worse can it get?”

“I’m sorry, Mary, but it is going to get much, much worse,” Castiel

Dean cast a worried glance at his mother before asking in a voice completely devoid of emotion, “Castiel, what’s coming and when will it get here?”

Castiel didn’t soften the coming blow. “The sole purpose of the earlier attacks was to aim for the populated areas and take us out; in their eyes we are nothing but lowly vermin! The second wave which will be here soon consists of the exterminators, the category 5’s, and they will finish the job. When they have eliminated the few remaining humans, then the Kaiju, the Earth’s new tenants will take possession. The human race will be as extinct as the dinosaurs.”

Truly alarmed by Castiel’s grim news, Michael shared a look with Lucifer; things had just gotten a lot more complicated. "Thank you for what you and Sam did. We’d like to stay and find out about Sam’s condition but now there’s much too work to be done, so please let us know how he makes out as soon as you have news. We’ll be in the command center; we have a few changes to make to our plan." Michael squeezed Castiel's shoulder before leaving.

After stealing one glance at the doors that hid Sam from them all, Lucifer followed. He knew that Sam would be safe and cared for but this was not where he belonged; his place was with Michael.

******

It was hours before Jody finally appeared looking exhausted but happy. In all the time that she and her medical staff were working on Sam not one single soul – other than Michael and Lucifer – had moved from the waiting room but the moment she and Jo appeared everyone was immediately up on their feet. As they gathered around anxiously praying for good news, no one noticed that Jo had collapsed into Ash's arms.

"Sam is stable and resting comfortably but it was a close call, I'm not going to lie,” Jody pulled her scrub cap off her head and tried to smooth her sweaty hair down neatly. “I have to admit that I have no idea what we’re doing here; this was a telepathic attack, the likes of which we’ve never seen before. I don't have any reference material to rely on so I’m not exactly sure what we’re dealing with here.”

Mary and John were holding on to one another tightly and John had to clear this throat loudly before he could ask, “What is his prognosis, Jody?”

“Well, there was some swelling on Sam's brain which I believe was caused by the intensity of his contact with the Kaiju and he seems to have retreated into a therapeutic coma of his own making so I can't say precisely when he’ll wake up, only that he will. I believe Sam is healing himself from this attack and he will come back to us when he wakes up."

Dean swallowed hard, his heart hurt with the knowledge of how deeply his brother was hurt. "May we see him?"

"Of course." Jody nodded as she turned her attention to Castiel. "Aside from his family I think your presence will help the most; your minds were linked during the attack and Sam might be able to follow that connection when he’s ready to return to us."

**********

It was incredibly hard for Dean to see Sam looking so still against the white of the hospital bed and hooked up to so many different machines all beeping and humming. It was all so strange and oddly frightening that Dean just wanted to curl up in bed against his brother just like he’d done when Sam was a baby and Dean had wanted to protect him for all harms. "I'm not going anywhere, baby bro, so if you want to get rid of my ass then you’re gonna have to get your happy ass out of that bed and make me go.”

After waiting several minutes and getting no response from his brother, Dean wiped away the tears that threatened to fall and as he planted himself in the seat his dad had just vacated, he whispered, “You better come back to us soon, Sam Winchester. Don’t make me come in there and get you!” and then he settled in for the long run. He was going to make sure that there was someone with Sam 24/7 so that he wouldn’t wake up alone. As he glanced across the bed he could tell from the look on Castiel's face and the way he held Sam's hand he wasn't the only one who was going to be with Sam until he came back to them.

"So when Sam returns to us you _are_ going to tell him how you feel, right?" Dean asked because it hurt watching Castiel stroke Sam's hand, knowing he was feeling the same fear that he was.

Castiel's eyes never left Sam's face as he promised, "The moment he is back with us I shall tell him."

"Hear that, Sammy? You need to come back to us because I know how long you've been waiting to hear those words," Dean stated before leaning back in his chair and propping his feet on the end of Sam’s bed, getting comfortable for however long of a wait it was going to be.

******

Thanks to the hard-won knowledge that Sam and Castiel had given them Michael and Lucifer were able to successfully change the plan because they now knew that the bomb would not work if they couldn't get into the breach.

Dean wasn't mentally or emotionally stable enough to concentrate on the mission, not when his mind was completely focused on his brother but he made Gabriel and Balthazar, who were taking his and Benny's place in the battle, swear an oath on the souls of all the Jaeger pilots that they’d lost during the war that they would get some for Sam.

Balthazar promised they would take out the biggest Kaiju they could get their hands on just for Sam and they did… but it came at a terrible price: their lives. The Impala went out in a blaze of glory.

Blade saw her last battle under the piloting skills of Michael and Lucifer who were able to magnetically seal themselves to the underside of a Kaiju, thereby fooling the throat into allowing them through. Blade was a magnificent beast as they rode her down into the breach and detonated her core after Ruby and Abaddon had successfully taken out the category 5 Kaiju that had been heading for shore.

They had lost Victor, Anna and Naomi in a prolonged battle the day before the final mission; they had been taken out while valiantly protecting Hong Kong’s beautiful Victoria Harbour, sinking to the briny depths of the South China Sea somewhere between Hong Kong island and Kowloon.

Every single one of the Jaeger pilots lost over the course of those two fateful days were considered the real heroes of the war and their exploits would be celebrated throughout the free world with parades and awards ceremonies. Dozens of countries would rejoice on annual Jaeger Days and in years to come hundreds if not thousands of new-born babies would be named for the heroes of the Battle of the Titans.

The spineless politicians, their invisible money-grubbing masters and all their toadying lackeys who had turned their backs on the Jaeger project and ordered the beautiful machines scrapped were suddenly and frantically trying to spin their actions as part of a secret plan to fool the Kaiju into a sense of complacency thus making them easier to defeat.

Ash gained minor cult status when despite numerous death threats from parties unknown and even a few failed attempts including blowing up his car and setting fire to his apartment, he successfully made sure that the truth about the Jaeger program and its detractors came out. As a result of Ash’s expose every last one of them was unceremoniously removed from office and most were later sued in civil court by the families of the many Kaiju victims; in some countries, they were even jailed.

The world had been saved but for Castiel, Dean and all those who cared about Sam their world was still in limbo; Sam remained in his healing coma, unaware that his friends and family were anxiously awaiting the moment when wouldn't when he returned to them.

******

Three months after the final battle against the Kaiju Castiel was visiting Sam in his hospital room; as was his daily habit, he was comfortably ensconced in his favourite chair ready to read aloud to the man he loved. The room was bright and sunny, and the windows were open to let in the soft breeze, fragrant after blowing through the flower gardens, and the sound of birds happily chirping in the trees.  After it was learned that Sam was responsible for providing the critical information necessary to enter the breach and end the war and had paid heavy for it, the grateful government had ensured that the brave young man received the very best care money could buy.

Making sure the bookmark was still at their last stopping point in the murder mystery they were reading, Castiel set the book aside and slipped forward in so he could rest his arms on the bed. Gathering Sam’s hand in his he said, "Hello, Sam, I know it's only been a few hours since we last chatted but I have missed you terribly. You have gained some rather ardent admirers amongst the hospital staff and I think I should be quite jealous; after all, you are easily the best-looking patient in the building. It’s probably my fault that others think you’re available and so they’re interested in you because I never told you that I love you and for that I am sorry. I know it pained you to see me with Meg but still you somehow managed to put aside your own heartbreak and be a friend to us.”

He reached out and tenderly brushed Sam’s hair from his forehead. “I remember the day I realised that I was so deeply in love with you, it was about a month after you and your family arrived at the base and you had found a box full of abandoned puppies that someone had left to die. You pleaded so eloquently with Michael to let you keep them on base long enough to get them healthy and back on their feet and then you promised to find them all good homes.” He squeezed Sam’s hand.

“Your heart is so big and full of such kindness that it continues to amaze me. I do not know what you see in me but I am eternally grateful for the fact that you love me and I just wish that you would return to me. Please come back, Sam, I love you so very much."

Sam had been floating in peaceful, dark nothingness for so long but it was the sound of voices – his parents, friends, Dean and Castiel had talked to him, read to him, even sang to him – that had kept him from being permanently engulfed by that nothingness and he’d hung on to himself just for them. However, the moment he heard Cas say that he loved Sam realised that if he stayed there in the darkness he would be letting the Kaiju win but worse than that, he would be missing out on sharing the greatest love of his life.

With a deep sigh, Castiel pulled his chair closer to the bed so that he could continue to hold Sam’s hand while he resumed reading to him. As he picked up the story where they’d left off, his thumb gently rubbed back and forth across the Sam’s knuckles and at first he was sure that it the tiny movement he felt was just his wishful imagination until he felt it again. This time he was positive that he’d felt a gentle squeeze on his hand and his eyes flew first to Sam’s face and then to their joined hands and just as he’d prayed for every single day since Sam’s collapse in his arms, there was Sam's fingers slowly moving under his.

Ignoring the book that clattered to the floor, Castiel's head shot back up to Sam’s face so fast that he was sure that he’d have whiplash but he could definitely see Sam's eyes moving beneath his eyelids for the first time. "Dean!" Castiel called out frantically knowing that the other man was never too far away; he’d stepped out of the room when Castiel arrived just to give the other man a while alone with Sam before joining them.

The door to Sam’s hospital room flew open with such violence that Castiel was sure that it the force would leave a mark if not a whole in the wall but he didn't really care. It wasn’t his building and he wouldn’t have to make any repairs; with luck they’d be out of the place in a few days.

"What? Cas, what's wrong?" Dean pounded through the door demanding to know why he’d been shouted for. His heart was pounding like a jackhammer in his chest nearly stealing his breath away and he was concentrating so hard on his brother that he started as he heard Benny and his parents come up behind him.

Barely able to conceal his excitement Castiel shook his head. "Nothing is wrong, Dean, but I do believe that our Sam is returning to us!" and he nodded towards Sam.

Dean blinked in surprise, processing the unexpected but anxiously awaited news before a teary smiled graced his face as he moved across the room to stand beside the bed followed closely by John and Mary. Benny hung back knowing that this was a moment between family but he still wanted to be close for Dean’s sake.

In his blissfully calm darkness Sam could hear familiar voices growing louder, more distinct, and he wanted to smile when he heard understood one of them to be Dean's voice. "De... Cas..." Sam forced the names from his memory, muttering them hoarsely, his voice cracking and raspy from lack of use. He tried to speak again and ended up coughing weakly and Castiel responded immediately. A moment later Sam latched onto the ice chip that Cas placed against his lips holding it in place so that the other man could suck greedily on the cool moisture.

It had been such a long since he’d had to do anything more than float in quiet solitude so it took more willpower than he would have liked before Sam could open his eyes. After countless hours in darkness the light seared into his eyeballs like fire and he quickly shut them again. Seeing his difficulty, Bobby immediately pulled the blinds, dimming the intensity of the afternoon sunlight and after a few seconds Sam tried again, blinking slowly as he adjusted to the softer light.

"Yeah, Sammy, we’re all here,” John told his youngest son, smiling happily through his tears and hugging Mary close to his body. “And just in case you’re wondering, son, we won!"

“It was all thanks to you, Sam!” Dean was so excited to see his little brother again. “God, we missed you so much!”

Sam managed a weak smile for his brother but his eyes were for Castiel alone. He’d never seen such a beautiful sight as Cas’ face. “Hi,” he murmured.

Dean could read his brother like a book and he knew exactly what he was thinking. After waiting a moment to see what the object of Sam’s attention would do, he gave Castiel a pointed look one he quickly discovered wasn't needed as he saw that Castiel was already bent over Sam's body, gently stroking a hand through his hair.

"Sam Winchester, I love you and you are _never_ allowed to do this to me again," Castiel informed Sam in a firm voice.

A soft smile graced Sam's face as he leaned into Castiel’s hand which was now cupping his cheek. "Love you too. Kiss?" It was still hard to speak and he had to force the words out, and he wasn't fully awake yet so he didn’t know how good a kiss he could give in return but it didn’t matter. He had waited so long to finally know what Castiel tasted like.

Dean rolled his eyes in fond exasperation but said nothing as Castiel lowered his head and gave Sam a kiss that looked so soft and sweet it belonged in a romantic fairytale. Then he shrugged good-naturedly; he would let Sam have his chick-flick moment for now, but if he kept this girly behaviour up once he got out of the hospital well then, he was free game.

Sam knew that there were still a lot of questions that he need to find answers to, like how he could possibly link with the Kaiju and worse, what if they another breach to come through, but as Castiel kissed him for the first time none of that truly mattered.

Sam Winchester was enjoying what he could only describe as the world’s most perfect first kiss.

The End


End file.
